Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Cricket Quotas

and we're back sooner than a premature ejaculation with another edition of cricket quotas. this time, it's from our tripping around with the indian team after their moral loss to pakistan in eden. the clinically described 'studious looking' captain first.

"i'm xyz/m+n% certain that there's absolutely no such thing as a moral victory."
when asked to comment on murali's world record.

"i'm xyz/m+n% certain that there's absolutely no such thing as a moral victory."
when asked to comment on harbhajan's 5-wicket haul.

"i'm xyz/m+n% certain that there's absolutely no such thing as a moral victory."
when not asked anything at all!

"how do i look?"
ramiz raja, asking people even when nobody is there to ask.

"what did my fellow commentator say?"
siva, when asked for a comment on the eden test.

"what did the women say?"
shaz, when asked for a comment on the eden test.

"i'm putting in my papers!"
'look at me' vengsarkar, when asked for a comment on the eden test.

"arre, bangalore is my hometown. we have nothing to worry. i'm xyz/m+n% certain that there's absolutely no such thing... "
reverting back to his motivational mantra...we scooted before kumble could finish; wondering why we bothered at all. and then we spotted looking quite dapper and unapproachable. and so, the hardworking stringer that we most truly are, we approached him.

"don't bother me. people are looking at me!"
'look at me' lara, when asked for a comment on the eden test.

by now we were utterly confounded by the number of people we were being urged to look at and so proceeded to abandon our quest for any further quotas from the 'look at me brigade', only to fall into the wily arms of 'don't look at me' sharad pawar staring down at us. this is what he had to say on the eden test.

"tell vengsarkar we have contacted his ghost writer and we know how much he pays him. it's better if he concentrates on selecting the team and accepting what we deem is right for a selector."

pleasantly surprised by this thoroughly unexpected dispensation, we ignored the foresight to look ahead of us and bumped into a frowning gent and a pale shadow of another person's former self. they turned out to be, who else, but the colonel's ghost and writer walking around with newspaper clippings containing the preposterous figures vengsarkar quotas he earns from his newspaper columns.

discreetly noting their troubled presence, dicta phone in hand bursting with quotas on just about everything except the, obviously inconsequential, eden game, we scurried away from the possibility of encountering any further quotas.

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