Tuesday, November 27, 2007

First look: Guru Gary

first of all, let's drop the 'kirsten' from gary. for gary is way different from his far more talented brother kirsten. and that's what makes tpr certain as another sachin 90 that he's the right man for the job. what do you mean, what job? there is only one job worth thinking about. it's the job of the coach of the indian team. ladies and gentlemen, please welcome guru gary. the new, improved avataar of john wright? the doosra though doesn't think so. if tpr were into betting, it'd put all its ill-gotten gains as a moonlighting cricket writer on the distinct possibility that tpr will be proven wrong in investing his hopes on the unknown as a parsvnath share, guru gary. who? perfect. but, the doosra still seems to think chappell was the right man for the job. and the indian team wrong in rejecting him. maybe the doosra is right. tpr is known to has been proven spectacularly wrong in its predictions. case in point: misbah-ul-haq for the next inzy? hah! salman butt, shooting up like a reliance share? iffy...like the stock market. we'll have to wait and see. misbah is flaky. salman is inconsistent. yes. and yes. but...they've got personality. what personality? we'll have to wait and see. its that personality they've got that makes us bet on them. and reluctantly laud the indian selectors for getting it right. that's three times in a row they've done the right thing. let's make them stock-pickers. note to self: put together that stock market meets cricket game. spend less time writing this unknown blag. right. but why does tpr like so much guru gary? the perfect time, we think, to move to the next paragraph.

tpr can't help but fall back on the obvious and draw our non-existent audience's attention to the last good coach the india stars had. he was a left handed opening bat. he was dour as scrub. doughtier than the oldest piece of nan. dogged as a porn star and boringer than growing grass, he was reliable as a chappati. his was a talent as run-of-the-mill as daily bread - which, he made the most of. no, the answer we're coming to is not guru gary. but it could be. we've never met coach wright but from what we've seen of him as a player and a coach, he was the perfect personality for that india side. ditto with respect to coach gary who we gut-feelingly believe in our...umm, gut, is the right personality to coach this india.

big names need coaches with complimentary and complementary personalities. often these coaches have to deal with being things that don't do much more than ply players to various places. greg chappell, mbe would never have been able to coach shane warne. the indian team is full of shane warnes. and that's why the india stars will not be coached by a richards or a sunil gavaskar or a kapil dev - who in any case is banned because he's now part of the icl, bless his simple soul - or even the most beloved greg chappell. they need someone like gary or gary or gary. its pretty obvious, we think guru gary is perfect. most of all, simply put, in a nutshell, last but not the least and - insert parting cliche here - because he doesn't think he's a guru. the doosra, though...never mind.

No comments: