The Pitch Report

Referrals for advertising

2008-06-19T08:48:00.001-07:00

As we all know, pressure can do different things to different people. For some, it brings out the best. The ability to come good when the chips are down is what separates them from the boys. And then there are those that will say so much pressure, they can do without. Performance anxiety can result in fear; not the most ideal state of mind for a cricket umpire to be in. In fact, too much pressure can destroy a perfectly good umpire; not what you want in a time when good umpires are in acute short supply. In such a time of strife arrives the system of ‘demanded referrals’, as one might be tempted to call it.

When the on-field umpires were first allowed to use technology to help them arrive at the right decision it was, like everything new, criticized. Over time, it has proven to be a step in the right direction. But can the cons associated with a system which allows players to blatantly question the verdict of the on-field official be waved away as easily?

Proponents of the method of ‘demanded referrals’ will trot out the oft-heard argument that this will ensure – more frequently than otherwise – the right decision is taken. Be that as it may (or not), in a time when players are already displaying a remarkable lack of decent regard for the on-field umpires, is it desirable to give them additional tools to behave impertinently?

Since the jury is not entirely out on whether dismissal technology is a better judge of decisions other than the basic run out and stumping, we won’t – at least, for the purposes of this article – debate the possibility that referrals will result in a lower percentage of umpiring errors because, ironically, they will only be used to decide cases that are already hard for anyone other than the men on the field to judge. Which begs the question, how much sense does it make to depend on a system that has so far proven to be, at the most, a questionable arbiter?

In the USA, sport is custom-designed for commercial use. In particular, American football, basketball and baseball – with their stop-start rhythms – share a symbiotic relationship with their sponsors. It is a model of development cricket swiftly adopted from the time Jagmohan Dalmiya and IS Bindra took charge of the BCCI in the early 90s.

After the successful telecast of the 1992 world cup held in India, Pakistan and Sri Lanka, cricket has – with much help from the Indian consumer and the Board – become an incessant ‘brandwagon’ for advertisers. With a profusion of regularly timed breaks, it has proved to be the perfect format for sponsors looking to deliver a constant diet of commercial messages – interspersed with cricket – to hungry audiences across the Indian Subcontinent. If anyone, it’s these vested interests that are likely to benefit most from the breaks in play this new rule is certain to bring.

Violent agitations will erupt between cricket fans around chowks and living rooms across the world over anything remotely contentious in the world of cricket. But there’s one thing they won’t dispute: that there’s an unacceptably high volume of advertising during a cricket match. Sadly, this is something the system of ‘demanded referrals’ is only going to exacerbate.

If you do drugs, do it the Indian way

2008-06-15T02:06:00.000-07:00

There have been many well-known instances of cricketers from around the world getting caught with drugs. Oddly enough, all the players involved were from parts of the cricket world not including India. Which begs the question: What is it about Indian cricketers that immunizes them from the undeniable pull of recreational drugs?

On the face of it, it might seem like Indian cricketers are more responsible than their foreign counterparts? Not. If you consider the way they play, when it comes to shot selection and hare-brained decision-making on the cricket field, Indian cricketers are up there with the best of the worst. Let alone jog, you don’t even have to walk yourself down memory to come up with innumerable instances of Indian cricketers gifting away the match to the opposition on the back of something silly and uncalled for. The most recent case in point being … well … umm … heh, there aren’t that many that come to mind right away, but that doesn’t mean Indian players behave all that grown up on the cricket field. (Just Ask Mukul Kesevan, who has devoted an essay in his very engaging ‘Men in white’ to the kind of ‘boy’ he thinks an Indian cricketer is.)

Books, theories and past records apart, it would take a very brave fan to consistently bet on the chances of an Indian team closing out matches with the kind of assurance and certainty we’ve come to expect from say, the Australians. And yet, these very same, responsible, dependable, rock-solid Australian cricketers have been hauled up for immature, irresponsible and indulgent acts of drug abuse. Not – as one might have expected – irresponsible, immature and indulgent Indian cricketers.

Perhaps the social milieu that Indian cricketers come from makes them well aware of the prudish hostility with which drug ‘toking’ is viewed in ‘upwardly mobile’ country that is today India. Make no mistake, Indian cricketers will proudly abuse prescribed drugs like music, movies, liquor, clothes, credit cards, cars, women and the like. But you can bet your last rupee they won’t be seen with recreational drugs of the taboo kind. At least, not until they are legalized. After that, all bets are off.

More so than in other cricket playing countries, a star Indian cricketer caught with drugs stands to lose too much. Because in India, more than in most other societies around the world, being successful is very important. Being seen doing the right thing is very desired. (In fact, sometimes even more important than doing the right thing.) In 21st century India, making pots of money and leading the good life – which cricketers most certainly do – is a widespread obsession. Understandably so. Indians, and many Indian cricketers, have been poor for too long.

Get caught with drugs and you stand to lose all the things that make you a shining symbol of modern India. Pot smoking and company can very swiftly send you back to experience the India that cricket helped you so swiftly transcend. Much like their countrymen, Indian cricketers … no, make that Indian cricket families are too shrewd, sneaky, ambitious, careful, materialistic, forward thinking and priggish to risk so much that’s real for something as ephemeral as a THC high.

Besides, to paraphrase a Hindi saying, ‘what will people say?’ All this to say if you’re going to do something the people will vehemently, irrationally and thoughtlessly oppose, whatever you do, don't get snagged doing it. That’s the way things that ‘can’t be done’ are done in India.

Coming soon! Sachin 20.20

2008-05-19T20:41:00.000-07:00

If the IPl has proved one thing (apart from the fact that money is sexier than country), it's that the 20-20 version of the game is not beholden to reputations. In one way or another, every one of the 'icon players' has struggled to deliver the goods.

Rahul Dravid has turned out to be an uninspiring leader and a far from fluid presence at the crease. Laxman too has been a diffident captain, a laggard on the field and served up only one good innings for our viewing pleasure. Sourav might well have upped his fielding a notch or two but he has utterly failed to assert himself as a batsman. Plus, he continues to be a very poor runner between the wickets. (Yes Sourav, the selectors are watching.) His captaincy too has come in for some criticism from within his own team. The jury on Sachin though is not yet out. Which gives me an opportunity to do what I enjoy most: take a punt on the road ahead.

I believe Sachin will be the only 'icon player' not to disappoint his fans. And franchise owners. Certainly, what we have seen from the great man so far is not what makes me say so. Far from it. The reason I think Sachin will do more than what his fellow 'icons' have is he brings to the table a set of skills that all the other icons possess only when considered together. In other words, Sachin is three icons for the price of one. Blasphemy? No, stay with me.

Laxman's unquestionable artistry makes him an invaluable presence in any 20-20 team, but his extremely limited fielding skills make him a conspicuous liability. Sourav's best days as a batsman are clearly behind him. His audacious strokeplay has deserted him, alongwith his youth. His bowling is, more often than not, pure cannon fodder. And, of course, he's only marginally better than Misbah when it comes to running between the wickets. Sadly, Sourav the one-day player is but a pale shadow of his youthful, feisty self. His utility as a Test player though is beyond doubt.

Oddly enough, the two great qualities of grit and determination that epitomise Dravid and make him a great player are exactly what make him unsuitable for the shortest form of the game. I believe a batsman like Dravid still has a role to play in the 50-over game - assuming it still survives. But the shortest version of the game needs players who are dynamic, flexible and often cheeky. Not qualities you would easily attribute to a player like Dravid. But I certainly would to an icon like Sachin.

For one, Sachin still has that massive bat and those almost Jayasuriyaesque forearms that allow him to play the lofted shots with a greater degree of ease than any of the other three 'icon players'. Two, he continues to be an excellent judge of the quick single and as a consequence a solid if not spectacular runner between the wickets. He's certainly fitter and faster than both Laxman, Sourav and perhaps even Dravid. Unlike Dravid, Sachin is also a willing and eager player of unorthodox, inventive shots. He can 'tip-and-run'. He can belt the ball. He can caress it through the gaps. He can paddle. He can sweep. He can reverse sweep. He can scoop it over third man. He can even make a mean pasta with a bat. (Well, okay, maybe he's not that hot on the reverse sweep.)

Most of all, no matter how impure the version, Sachin simply enjoys a game ... any game of cricket. And that's why I don't think Sachin will be like the other under-performing assets of the IPL. (Pardon the business language, but like it or not it is a business.)

After a few failures during the last one day series in Australia, they said it was time for Sachin to retire from the 50-over version of the game. And then he went on to win India the finals of the Benson and Hedges series in Australia. They're now saying he's unsuited for the 20-20 version of the game. Bet?

"Test cricket will hurt IPL" Modi

2008-05-17T21:59:00.000-07:00

Feddup with all the talk about how his baby was going to kill Test cricket, Lalit Modi, Commissioner, Dictator and Cheerleader of the IPL launched an inventive broadside against the traditionalist by declaring that 'their' cricket was the one threatening the future of his baby.

Pretending to be not quite sure how this was so, one of his plants in the press box - one of the many granted access by him to ask him questions that make him look good - chirped, "We agree with you, Sir, Lord and Master ... and we know exactly what you mean, but could you please tell the rest what you mean?"

"Oh, it's quite simple," said Modi. "Test cricket is the real thing and the only thing that truly tests a player's temperament,technique and the other 'T' I can't quite recall right now. The more people are fed the longest version of the game, the less they will appreciate the IPL."

"But people don't watch Test cricket, Sir, Lord and Master," squeaked another one of his minions. Looking pleased as punch with this, Modi said, "And we must make sure it stays that way. The less Test cricket they watch, the less they will know what they are missing. It's like what Coca Cola and Pepsi are looking to do ... replace the goodness of natural water with the manufactured crappiness of sugared chemicals.

If you make water easily available and affordable, nobody will want the toxic crap dished out by cola companies. But intoxication is addictive. My cricket is the cola of the cricket world."

Stunned by the marketing genius of Lalit Modi, we trooped out of the press conference meekly sipping the free bottle of Pepsi we were given instead of the glass of water we asked for. Sure, Test cricket will hurt the IPL. But only if it can stop Pepsi. And we all know how slim the chances of that happening are.

Why the IPL is on a good wicket

2008-04-11T22:08:00.000-07:00

"I study English twice a week ... but English isn't the problem. The main thing is to learn to understand the local players like [Mbe] and Carragher. They speak with some peculiar local accent and sometimes I have absolutely no clue what the guys are saying" - Andriy Voronin, Liverpool, Ukraine.

Obviously, Andriy Voronin is, in his own small way, making an effort to become a part of Liverpool. I wonder what the people that believe players from different countries will find it impossibly hard to feel attached to their city-based club have to say about that. Perhaps they’ll say Voronin is only doing it for the money. And maybe he is. But the fact of the matter is, people will go to great lengths to make an extra buck; including feel passionate about a place in another country for a short length of time. After all, more than a few people are known to have affairs on the side and continue to profess undying commitment to their primary partners. That’s just the way people are.

Then the people who don’t agree will retort by saying soccer players have been turning out to play for cities for a very long time and that just because they do it, doesn’t mean one can expect spotlessly white and very patriotic cricketers bred and brought up on a diet of bilateral matches and deeply-ingrained nationalism to do the same. Happily for the proponents of the IPL, it is a proven fact that no matter how vehemently resistant to change people are, if the said change turns out to be for the greater good, they will, eventually, open their hearts to it. Especially, if the common good happens to be exciting, easy and short term.

Immediately, the naysayers will roar back that 20-20 cricket is no good. It’s ugly, it’s superficial, it’s market driven, it’s cheap and everything the great game of cricket is not. It must not be encouraged. It is wrong. It is evil. Which will be a good time for the ayesayers to remind them that that’s exactly what they had said about one-day cricket when it was first introduced. And every cricket lover, expert or inexpert, knows that one-day cricket hasn’t been that corrupting, evil or ugly an influence on test cricket. Quite the contrary, actually. Hopefully that will silence them. Even if only momentarily. Which might be a good time to digress into a somewhat sombre meditation on why city-based clubs have worked and will continue to be viable economic units for sports promoters.

A city is a smaller, more tangible concept for people in this global day and age to grasp. More than a country, a city is what people experience daily. A little more than a country, a city is what touches people’s lives. The city people live in is an integral part of the country it is located in. People can choose to live in many cities, but it’s a lot harder, if not impossible, for people to choose the country they want to live in. And that’s one of the reasons, given a choice, people will root for their city … even if it happens to be represented by people from different countries.

In fact, the last mentioned bit might actually be another reason the IPL will work swimmingly well. That big names from around the world are being drawn to their country might make more than a few Indians feel quite good about themselves. And their IPL. After enduring so many years of being a touch-me-not for many a cricketer from the richer parts of the world, to suddenly be seen as the el-dorado everybody is rushing in to get a piece of … I mean, how cool is that! If you ask the average Indian, very.

And it’s not just the attachment to one’s city turned el dorado that will make the IPL a roaring success. It’s a package of many wonderful things designed to hook, line and sinker the average cricket fan to the IPL.

The great thing about 20-20 cricket, from the point of view of the average cricket fan, is it takes one big problem, when it comes to attracting eyeballs, in India – unresponsive wickets – more or less out of the equation. This combined with the happy fact that every 20-20 match is exciting for nearly the entire duration of the game and the easily digestible amount of time it takes to return a surefire result make it an irresistible draw for the average cricket fan.

That apart, and perhaps simplistically speaking, the 20-20 version of cricket is a lot like soccer. Furthermore, as an ‘average’ cricket fan I would argue that it is a lot more exciting than the ‘beautiful game’ because it has many more ‘scoring’ moments. (Even though it might be far from beautiful.) That’s why, as an average, low-brow and instantly gratified Indian cricket lover, I believe trying to do for cricket what soccer in Europe, ice hockey in Canada and baseball in USA have done so successfully is a big idea with the potential for great success. It’s also no coincidence that the three mentioned sports, like in the case of cricket, happen to be the most popular sports in their respective regions.

"We didn’t think of doing this with the game's newest and biggest idea since one-day cricket. Therefore, it must be bad." Most great, new ideas are greeted like this, initially. The Indians were the first to spot the immense potential for big business in 20-20 cricket when their team won the T20 World Cup with a kind of cricket that was innovative, daring and in-your face. It’s not in the least bit surprising that the geriatrics, the orthodox and the envious are repulsed by this young, sassy, titillating version of ‘their’ cricket. That’s just the way people are.

Letter to Lorgat

2008-04-11T09:18:00.000-07:00

Dear Mr. Lorgat,
First of all, we’d like to congratulate you on your appointment as the CEO of the ICC. That said, it gives us little pleasure to welcome you to this most difficult of diplomatic assignments. Crown of thorns, poisoned chalice, a mixed blessing … call it what you may, there are more than a few reasons – apart from the stated ones – Mr. Patel politely declined the offer to head this toothless body of wildly conflicting interests.

You have graciously agreed to steer the fortunes of an entity with a clutch of very insistent backseat drivers. Not only will you have to reckon with the powerful ‘Principle Advisor’ Mr. IS Bindra looking over your shoulder, but also ensure you’re not weighed down by the whims, fancies and not-so-subtle diktats of a member body that brings in the most revenues for the ICC: the cash-rich BCCI.

Speaking of difficult member-bodies, you’ll have to find a way to salvage cricket from the machinations of Zimbabwe Cricket. There was a time in the not-so-distant past that Zimbabwe was considered among the stronger cricket playing nations in the world. But from the time Zimbabwe Cricket has been taken over by Robert Mugabe and his henchmen, we’ve seen the standard of the game plummet alarmingly. In a world with only a handful of countries that play quality cricket, the ICC cannot afford to let cricket in Zimbabwe go down the tubes.

West Indies is another country whose cricket will demand your urgent attention. Irrespective of which country one supported, watching the West Indies play used to be one of the more pleasing sights on a cricket ground. As the empty grounds and scarce broadcasting revenues over the past few years show, this is no longer true. We all need to find a way to retrieve and revive the game in the Caribbean. If cricket in the West Indies continues to die the slow, inexorable death it is currently suffering, the ICC will - in more ways than one - be considerably poorer for it.

Perhaps now might be an opportune moment to take a little time out and stock up on the aspirins; the thing is, the list of problems that demand your attention is far from over.

Once upon a time, Pakistan used to put out one of the better, if not the best, teams in world cricket. The administrators and the custodians of the game there are now occupying themselves with matters that have little do with promoting the cause of the game and its players. If this state of affairs is allowed to continue, the ICC will lose the services of a team that used to be one of the biggest draws in world cricket. (Put not-so-subtly, more problems for you, Mr. Lorgat.)

That apart, in the recent past, more than a few teams have expressed an unwillingness to tour Pakistan. As a result, cricket in that country is gradually becoming an unviable option. The ICC cannot let the audience in one of its more lucrative markets be deprived of watching their team play at home. More pressure will have to be brought upon by the ICC on its reluctant members to undertake the trip to Pakistan.

Then there is the problem of racism which of course doesn’t exist, but only keeps rearing its ‘invisible’ head at different points in time to stymie or influence decisions on many an important issue, be it umpiring, match-referees, overseas tours to specific countries, debating the granting (or not) of test-status … and the like. No matter what the ‘official’ line on racism, the ICC is today, more than ever before, divided along racial lines.

And of course no cricketing discussion nowadays is complete without touching upon the ticklish issue of a fair sprinkling of top players from England, New Zealand, Sri Lanka, South Africa, West Indies, Australia and even India being less than willing to submit to the grinding schedules being imposed on them by their respective boards and instead opting for the more lucrative, less ‘official’ and less taxing pleasures of the 20-20 cricket leagues.

Fact is, Mr. Lorgat, the ICC is quickly beginning to resemble another world body which has become dangerously irrelevant: the United Nations. As we are well aware, only a stronger UN can prevent unilateral decisions, selective development and global chaos. Likewise, only a stronger, more balanced ICC can guard against the same from happening to cricket. What the world of cricket needs is a better version of the UN. And we’re counting on you to deliver it to us.

With best wishes,
The Custodians of Cricket

Thank you, Australia

2008-02-01T19:42:00.000-08:00

Last night's rout of the Indians by Pup's Aussies just goes to show that a few wins here and there don't make a champion side. The loss will serve as a welcome reminder to all the people who thought India was good enough to topple the Aussies from their perch as the number 1 side in world cricket.

Much like the Indian stock markets that, finally, came crashing down last week, this wake-up call at the MCG is a welcome relief from the unbridled optimism that was engulfing Indian cricket fans around the world. The Australians needed the Perth loss to wake them up. Here's hoping the Indians have learned something from their non-performance at the MCG.

And if they haven't, allow us to enlighten them. You have to win consistently to harbour any hopes of being spoken off in the same league as the Aussies. Until then, you won't be much more than occasional pretenders to the throne. India must celebrate the T20 rout handed out to them at the MCG.

Weekly speaking

2008-01-13T00:33:00.000-08:00

Business as usual for the Windies: it's a measure of how low the once-mighty windies have sunk that the prefix 'once mighty' now seems like little more than a very distant memory. after yet another abject surrender by an innings and some runs - this time to the south africans - you wonder whether the windies will ever regain their place closer to the top of the cricketing ladder. (not, if you ask us.) with shiv chanderpaul, for once, contributing next to nothing in the first innings and being unable to bat in the second due to illness, the gulf between the clinical south africans and the incompetent tourists transformed itself into an ocean, which the islanders from the caribbean couldn't come even close to navigating. how the south africans contrived to lose the first test of the ongoing series to this bunch of no-hopers is a mystery we'll never get to the bottom of. then again, i suppose we should thank our stars for that. if nothing else, it made the first three tests of the series just that bit more engaging for the people following it; and a little more worthwhile for the people who run cricket nowadays - the advertisers.

Monkey v/s Bastard: the people that decide these things in the hallowed portals of the icc are going to find it very hard to convince the people who worship a 'monkey god' that calling someone a simian is racist. but call an indian a 'bastard' and you've probably hit him where it hurts the most. you see, the majority of indians are overly sensitive about their parentage and morality. almost anywhere you go in india - including the most forward-thinking parts - a child born to unmarried parents is frowned upon and ostracized. (assuming such a child is allowed to be born at all.) so if the aussies are going to insist on making an issue out of harbhajan calling andrew symonds a monkey, the indians are going to get pretty medieval about this latest fracas and make hogg pay for calling them 'bastards'. (god knows, they're not good enough to make these aussies pay on the field.) that the aussies chose to go the whole hog and do everything within their power to make harbhajan pay for taking the monkey out of symonds - despite having won a test they had as good as lost on the first day itself - is a reflection of how strained the relations are between the two teams. if the men from down under had even an iota of grace, they would have savoured their 'assisted' victory in the second test at sydney and not tried to rub salt into the wounds of the already smarting indians by getting harbhajan banned. after this, for many indians, australia is likely to be the new pakistan.

Advertisers bat for Yuvraj: seeing that their young, marketable star has proved to be totally incapable of making any runs in australia - even against a second string attack - a consortium of advertisers have contacted the indian team management and requested that they be allowed to bat for him. the ever-studious but no-longer bespectacled indian skipper quietly informed them that batting for yuvraj involved a lot more than just putting pressure on the the management to juggle the team around the needs of their star. it required playing responsibly, delivering when the chips are down, keeping one's head firmly planted on one's shoulder, making a significant contribution in any which way possible and not descending into an almighty sulk at the drop of a hat. suitably chastised, the consortium withdrew their support for yuvraj and thanked their stars for the 'racism' controversy that had kept the audiences glued to their television screens. (even though, the outclassed indian team hadn't.) last we heard, the very same consortium had placed a punt on sehwag coming good in the perth test. not a bad gamble, we think, when you consider that the likes of nathan astle and lou vincent - slashers with minimal footwork and similarly questionable technique - have done well in the past on the bouncy waca wicket.

Footnote: our team for the third test against australia is sehwag, jaffer, laxman, sachin, sourav, dravid, dhoni, kumble, pathan, rp singh, ishant sharma. we're also, unlike most of the official mouthpieces, quite certain the indians will not lose at perth. that's assuming billy bowden and asad rauf don't do a bucknor and benson on them. let the game begin.

Weekly speaking

2008-01-06T05:18:00.000-08:00

Sehwag curses his luck: not given an opportunity to cash in on the good batting wickets at mcg and scg, sehwag looks set to replace yuvraj in the third test match at the dreaded waca, perth. not unnaturally, it is believed sehwag isn't overly pleased at being asked to save his floundering career as a test batsman on a surface best suited to the needs of the already formidable hosts. from the looks of it, falling for naught and failing india at the scg might well be one of the smarter things yuvi has done to save his already horribly exposed abilities as a test batsman from being ripped to shreds at the waca. the pasting that the indians are likely to be handed at the waca will make yuvi's supporters quickly forget how poorly he has played in the two tests so far and give fresh legs to the clamour for his re-inclusion in the side at the expense of someone less flamboyant, less tv-friendly, but more valuable than the white elephant that yuvi has so far proved to be.

Goliath steamrolls Davids: the about 40 ft tall Jacob Oram and the rest of the black caps beat bangladesh in the first test match of the latter's tour of new zealand. the minnows from south asia, once again, showed only fleeting glimpses of the talent they possess in their ranks. the sooner bangladesh learn to play as a team, the lesser they'll have to depend on the likes of tamim iqbal and ashraful to give them something to shout about in lost causes. sounds awfully similar to what we say about other south asian teams, doesn't it?

West Indies flatter to deceive: save the celebrations. reports of the much awaited revival of cricket in the land of the calypso were overestimated. after sealing their first victory over a major test playing nation in many years, the mercurial cricketers from the caribbean went back to their profligate ways and promptly handed over the next match in the series to the south africans on the proverbial platter. shiv chanderpaul, though, continued in his run-scoring ways notching up what seemed like his rightful fifty in as many visits to the crease. while the rest of his team accumulated yet another depressing loss.

India continue fourth innings jinx: not only do the indians have trouble dismissing opposition batsman in the third and fourth innings of a match, they also seem hard-pressed to bat through any length of it. irrespective of some of the most incompetent umpiring seen in recent times that shut india out of the match from day 1 itself, any team that thinks it can afford to jeopardise the form of their top overseas' batsman for the benefit of an odi show-pony deserves to find itself in the pickle india is in against these mighty australians. this test series is quickly turning into a series of what-ifs. what if, the indians had built on the first day of this series. what if india hadn't opened with rahul dravid. what if india hadn't bent over backwards for yuvraj. what if india hadn't made the mistake of breaking up a successful opening combination that had worked for them overseas. what if benson had given ponting on the first morning before he gave him. what if bucknor had given symonds on the first morning. what if sachin hadn't let india down again. what if more of kumble's men had played like the diehard champion he is - and his team most definitely isn't.

India have only themselves to blame

2008-01-02T04:24:00.000-08:00

there are two kinds of people in this world. basically. one, the kind that will blame the weather at the end of the day. the kind that will talk about racism. the kind that will look at the pitch suspiciously. the kind that will look within suspiciously. the kind that will blame the conditions. the kind that india did not want to be. not after the way they started the day. no, definitely not after the way they started the day. look now, somebody has to blamed for this.

a better captain than kumble would have made sure the two decisions that went against india went away the ball after they came their way. good captains must be able to forget things like that and make their team do the same. it's the only way forward in life. and in cricket. if you're going to mope about how ill-endowed you are in the luck department, you're going to end up a very miserable man. a la warney according to murali.

people might say it's hard being a bowler, but the great bowlers know and keep reminding themselves that it only takes one delivery to dismiss a batsman. but to get that delivery, one needs to concentrate. the mind cannot wander with fear. fear of failure. fear of poor umpires. fear of symonds. fear of not being able to bowl on one side of the wicket. fear of living up to a great morning performance. fear of all the intangibles that india let get in the way of what should have been a 150/0 for india at the end of day 1. after having dismissed the hosts for a demoralising 175/200 score in the first innings.

if only.

now what? now, we're back to the boring business of the usual. the australian juggernaut marching on to a record equalling sequence of test victories. the 'unlucky' indians fighting to save yet another test match. the incompetent umpires reminding us time and again why the icc needs to introduce a retirement age for umpires. and the retirement age is howmanyeverdamn years steve bucknor is!

and then, there's the other kind of person. australian.

Cricket Quotas

2007-12-29T21:59:00.000-08:00

after the usual reactions to india's usual defeat against australia in the first test at melbourne, it's time for the business of the unusual. naturally, the person we first contacted for a take on what exactly transpired after the dream of the first day had passed was rahul dravid who, quite understandably, was not in a particularly chatty mood. and so, we quite inexplicably, left it at that.

dazed and confused by our reluctance to push the envelope and push the gent in the eye of the storm for a juicy quota, we stumbled into the path of anil kumble who was just as stunned and confused by the reluctance of his batsmen to push the aussies.

by the time we were able to rouse ourselves and our dictaphone to get a juicy quota from the stunned indian captain, he had turned his back and was making his way to the practice wickets for what looked like a spot of batting. poor fellow, we thought, not only does he have to take most of the wickets, he now has to also make the runs for his team.

a few metres away from where stood anil kumble, we spotted a bright light. drawn to it like a persistent journalist is to a low-hanging quota, we made our way towards the mysterious glow, which turned out to be brett lee's million-watt smile. we stopped and looked at him hopefully. he seemed in an obliging mood. we walked up to him, optimistically.

running around the munificent trees that line the beautiful streets of melbourne avenue, he warbled a sequence of polite noises that showcased his bollywood overtures more than any worthwhile quota for your benefit.

knowing better than to offend the filmy star-in-the-making, we masked our acute disappointment at his efforts and journeyed back to the days when we used to masterfully lyp-sync repetitive ditties of deceptive simplicity for the benefit of our doting fans who worshipped us like the twinkle-toed star we used to be.

our conversation with our not-so-distant past was interrupted by a loud, loud snore. we turned to where the intrusive noise was coming from and espied the indian think tank fast asleep in a corner of the playing field. finally, it all made sense. not much more needed to be said. give or take the summary quota. and so, here it comes: "Happy New Year" to everyone from everyone.

we'll be back with a fresh set of quotas after the sydney test. until then, you might want to practice your batting skills. especially, against the moving ball. who knows, very soon, you could well be called upon to assist the beleaguered indian captain and asked to open the innings. god knows, yuvraj won't.

Hidden Gems - Rahul Dravid, opening batsman

2007-12-29T02:08:00.000-08:00

let's go back to the time when everyone was questioning the need for rahul dravid in the odi side. initially reluctant to take on the dual role of a wicket-keeper batsman, rahul was made to understand that doing so was, perhaps, the only way he could hold his own in the team. with no way out, the additional challenge spurred him on to become a fitter, stronger, more accomplished and much better batsman.

we believe, oftentimes, the lack of options can be a great motivator to scale unthinkable heights.

depending on how you look at it, unfortunately or fortunately, rahul dravid is at a stage in his career where he is now, fairly or unfairly, in some danger of losing his place in the test side.

but why? you might, as a hard-boiled dravid supporter, be compelled to ask.

fact is, yuvraj is not good enough to be an opening batsman. if forced to open the batting to keep his place in the side, yuvraj will, quite swiftly, be sorted out by new ball bowlers around the world and might well end up in a hole similar to the one sehwag finds himself in today. do we want that? especially, when we know that we have in our midst a batsman with just the kind of game and temperament suited to opening the batting? certainly not. exactly!

there's no question that rahul dravid plays the moving ball better than yuvraj. that rahul dravid handles short-pitched deliveries better than yuvraj. and that a more positive rahul dravid will be a very hard man to dismiss with the new ball. (we've already seen proof of that by way of the number of balls it took theis very good australian attack to get past his stubborn defenses in the just concluded test match.)

that apart, rahul dravid is not the kind of batsman who can be called upon to annihilate the old ball the way laxman, sachin, sourav and yuvraj can, lower down the order. the same line-up that failed so spectacularly in melbourne must be given a chance to come good again. a batting order with rahul, jaffer, laxman, sachin, sourav, yuvraj and dhoni makes for a formidable combination of solid defense, silken skills and blistering attack. better than anything else india can offer with a different combination of players. the caveat: rahul must persuade rahul that this re-alignment is good for him and team india.

of course, for all this wishful thinking to fructify, we need to go back in time and do whatever it is that was done to give india the new, improved batsman that the unexploited keeper in rahul dravid helped create. when the only way forward is to take the plunge, a person with all the strokes needed to swim will not sink.

India thrash India

2007-12-28T23:30:00.000-08:00

dravid is thinking, "why should someone like me who has played the game at the highest level for over a decade be made to open the batting to accommodate a young turk who hasn't done enough to prove himself in test cricket?"

yuvraj is thinking, "how on earth am i going to prove myself as a test cricketer if i'm not given a fair chance to play enough of it, and why is my place in the side being questioned after i have made 169 in my last knock?"

dravid is thinking, "first, they got rid of greg chappell. now, they're trying to pack me off. this team didn't support me when i was captain. and forcing me to open the batting is the selection committee's way of spelling finis to my career as a batsman. come what may, i'm going to make sure i prove them all wrong."

yuvraj is thinking, "it's bad enough that we're playing the best team in the world in their own backyard. worse, people in my own team won't let me have the peace of mind required to do a good job. damn these old fogeys. why can't they just retire and let us young guns take over."

kumble is thinking, "if i support dravid's reluctance to open the batting, they'll say i'm pandering to the whims and fancies of an old friend and someone from my state. considering that i've been given the captaincy after so long, the one thing i must not blot my copybook with is to be seen as partial leader. even if it means being unfair to dravid."

sehwag is thinking, "why did they bring me to australia?"

munaf patel is thinking, "i hope they don't call me to australia. i certainly can't see myself going head-to-head with the likes of the fearsome hayden."

the bowlers are thinking, "why do they pay these batsmen so much more than us. every time we go abroad, they fail to give us the totals we need to bowl the opposition out twice. and yet, we, more often than not, do a better job than them. frankly, we're sick and tired of being treated as second-class citizens."

the australians are thinking, "do we really need to beat these guys? they seem pretty messed up in their heads to beat themselves."

and we're thinking how did a test match that started so well for the indians end up in a most demoralizing loss? (as an after-thought, we're also thinking we shouldn't really be surprised with the way things turned out.)

people who don't want to open the batting will never be able to excel at it; it's a hard enough task to master without having to also answer to the questions posed by the demons in one's own mind. india did not lose this match because they didn't possess the requisite skills to put it across australia. they lost the match because their batsmen weren't properly focused on the job.

cricket, in recent times, may well have evolved into a game dominated by the willow-wielders. but there are still a few things that make life as a bowler fairly encouraging. for instance, a bowler doesn't have to pay as dearly as a batsman for a momentary lapse in concentration. he can simply put it out of his mind and come back with a better delivery. and another one. and another one.

not something a batsmen has the benefit of.

if a batsman takes his eye off the ball for one second, it can mean curtains for him. and we saw it happening time and again to the indians in this test match - batsmen spending time in the middle, getting their eye in, playing well and then throwing it all away with a poor stroke brought about by a wandering mind.

of course the australians batted bowled and fielded much, much better than the indians. which is one of reasons they won the match by such a massive margin. but there's a bigger reason the aussies managed to do what they did to india: india.

on day one - perhaps the only day of the test match that the indians were totally committed to the task on hand - the aussies were packed off for their lowest first innings total in not-so-recent times. the indians need to go back and think about what they thought right on the first day. and, come sydney, they must make sure they aren't wasting their time thinking about all the things that got in their way on day 2 of the match.

it is our considered view that the indians were, first, beaten by the indians. and only then did they lose to australia. sounds familiar, doesn't it?

Will the Indians do a Sangakkara?

2007-12-27T23:09:00.000-08:00

last month, sri lanka were set a massive 507 to win the second test match of their tour of australia. one man nearly took them there. after the abject surrender of his batsmen in the first innings, the indian captain will be more than happy if someone stood up and did a kumara sangakkara for him. and then some.

with two days to bat on a fourth innings wicket that isn't doing much and against an attack without the services of a world-class spinner, a target of 499 is gettable. that's assuming the indian batsmen - dravid and yuvraj, in particular - can exorcise the demons from their mind and put their heads down to the task on hand; ball by ball. session by session. day by day.

given that kumara sangakkara almost got the lankans to 500 with little by way of support from the other frontline batsmen, ponting can't have a very high opinion of these indian batsmen. and why should he? so far, they haven't given him any reason to. despite a pitch that's more south asian than australian in temperament, the indians capitulated for a paltry 196 in the first innings. despite an inspirational performance from their captain, which helped dismiss the australians for their lowest first innings total in over a year, the indian batsmen were unable to take a leaf out his book and rise to the occasion. despite, for once, winning the first day of a test match abroad, the indians meekly surrendered the initiative. no wonder ponting declared the innings as early as he did.

left with eight difficult overs to negotiate before the close of play, the indian openers - especially rahul dravid - did so with greater assurance than anything seen from them in the first innings. if they can continue in a similar vein and get through the first hour tomorrow, ponting might well be faced with a tricky situation on the fifth day.

in dravid, laxman and sachin, the indians have three men who are quite capable of emulating sangakkara's hobart heroics. better still, the three of them won't need to do quite as much for their team to snatch an incredible victory. they'll just have to make sure they all come to the party. especially dravid.

Yawn!

2007-12-27T02:28:00.000-08:00

sorry, but is it too early to switch off and wait for the australian juggernaut to walk all over another bunch of losers? let's consider what the indians can do from here on to avert the ominous gaze of defeat staring them in the face.

for one, they've got to get that gary kirsten sidekick - the upton guy - or someone else to come over and have a chat with dravid. obviously, whatever it is that kumble told him before he came out to - let's say it once again - reluctantly open the innings didn't work. disturbingly for the indians, if his own state-mate and skipper is unable to get dravid out of the mighty depression he seems to have gone under with, he must be, how should we say this, jettisoned. the indians can ill-afford the negativity of their batting lynch pin to influence the rest of the side. even more so, against a relentlessly aggressive and clinically merciless team like australia.

when the team's most technically correct batsman plays a no-brainer of an innings at the very top of the order and meekly hands back a very hard-won initiative to the australians, it's time for a searching examination. when he does it for the second time in a little over 3 months - remember that 12 of a million odd balls he scrounged for against england at the oval - it's time to get his head sorted out.

tragically for the indians today, the man in the eye of the storm and the cause of the strife over dravid's place in the batting (and pecking) order looked to be almost as weighed down by the proceedings as the 'pasha of pressure', dravid, himself. not that yuvraj can be blamed for it. all this talk centered around who will open the batting and who is willing to do more for the team and who does and does not deserve a place in the side can't have done the protagonists in this on-going saga any good.

the way things look, what the indians need is to consider opening the batting in the second innings with yuvraj and jaffer. if that doesn't work for yuvraj, they must seriously contemplate roping in sehwag for the second test. which still leaves the question of what to do with, probably, the best batsman in the side who can be happily included only if their best young batsman is not. things are not looking good for india. not just in this test, but also for the rest of series. let's hope, against hope, for the sake of a much-needed contest that rahul dravid finds his mojo in the second innings and re-invents himself as an opening batsman. (right.)

evidently, we're back to doing what every team confronting the aussies is forced to: hope and pray for the best. (and, that the australians will be well off their best.) quite clearly, the expections of a ripper-of-a-series were wildly optimistic. sadly for the indians, one bad day for the australians does not an indian summer make.

Kumble rocks Australia

2007-12-26T06:36:00.000-08:00

in this world full of cricket headlines monotonously lauding yet another dominant australian performance against yet another hapless comer, it's refreshing to come across the few that go the way of the googly.

look hard enough through the sports pages of any self-respecting paper and you're likely to find, at the most, one or two standout performances per month against the baggy greens. a fortnight ago, it was sangakkara's twin strike in a foregone conclusion. a week later, the kiwis had nothing to show other than their red faces; and not all on account of john bracewell. today, it was kumble's turn to remind the ponting's team that there remain a few pockets in world cricket that are still intensely resistant to the steamrolling ways of the aussie juggernaut.

all put together that's 3 good performances in one month of cricket against the best cricket team in the world; out of which two - by the brilliant sangakkara - were in lost causes. it remains to be seen whether kumble's team can take inspiration from their captain's early heroics and give the aussies a run for their far-from-hard-earned money in this test. (we know, we know...it's a state of affairs that's disheartening, to say the least, for fans of competitive cricket.)

it's a measure of the towering dominance exercised by ponting and his machines that a score of 330-odd for 9 is celebrated as a minor victory for the team that has managed to achieve the seemingly herculean task of snapping up more than a handful of australian wickets in a full day's play. (note: this is the first time in over a year that adam gilchrist has been called upon to bat on the first day of a test match.) india, today, played their best test cricket in recent times and still didn't do enough to put themselves in a dominant position to dictate the course of this match.

the depressing fact of the matter is, anything above 350 is going to be a tough ask for a batting line-up that - despite its bounty of experience and past achievements - is vulnerable against quality fast bowling. kumble, with his cerebral performance today, has shown what is required to keep the series alive. the bowlers have paved the road ahead and all that's left for them to do is finish the job, minus their customary struggles to polish off the tail. after that, it's up to the indian batsmen to put a mountain of runs on the board that kumble and the other bowlers will need to take that unthinkable 1-0 lead in a test series against australia. (hey, there's no harm in dreaming, is there?)

but before that, the indians will have to find the answer to the one question that has been hounding them for over 20 years, and which will decide whether their team will go the distance in this match. the question: who will open the batting? will it be dravid? yuvraj? laxman? sachin? sourav? or, maybe, it'll all come down to kumble. jokes apart, it'll take many more than a 5-wicket haul by the skipper to shake these aussies off their perch.

Hidden gems - Mhd. 'the Pocket Rocket' Ashraful

2007-12-26T03:55:00.000-08:00

in a cricket calendar choc-a-bloc with matches from around the world being beamed down to every cricket channel - sometimes, even non-cricket channels like sab tv, which is where we caught ourselves breathlessly taking in the magic of ashraful today - it's virtually impossible to watch everything that's worthwhile. and that's why you need people endowed with special skills that enable them to know exactly when something out of the ordinary is taking place and catch it. people like, who else, but yours truly. today was one such day.

fresh-eyed and hungry we awoke ourselves from a fitful slumber readier than an eager beaver to accompany india doing battle in the boxing day test against australia. but when ponting won the toss and elected to bat, our face fell. (or should that be our 'faces' fell? oh well, never mind.) and then, the first session began to pan out in a manner depressingly familiar to every seamer recently tested against the aussies. in next to no time the openers, hayden and jacques, had raced off to a solid start and things were looking far from good for india. in other words, business as usual for yet another pretender looking to challenge the hegemony of the mighty aussies.

luckily for people like us evolved enough not to pander to our partisan sides, we had no qualms turning our attention away from the unfolding carnage at the mcg and to the dazzling fireworks' display at eden park, auckland from the captain of the bangladeshi green hornets, mhd. 'the pocket rocket' ashraful.

if you yearn to see the kind of strokes that only the great arvinda d'silva in his heyday could play with unrivaled panache and some regularity, all you need to do is tune in to the pyrotechnics of ashraful. yes, we know. high praise, indeed, for someone so young and so raw. and that's why, that said, here comes the downer. ashraful is certainly no arvinda d'silva. and bangladesh not a patch on sri lanka. but, they're both getting there. or, at least, have shown that they have what it takes to swim with the sharks. for now though, neither of them has demonstrated the ability to go the distance.

what we're seeing of bangladesh in recent times is similar to what we used to see from the players of the island formerly known as serendib when they were the minnows of international cricket. time and again, the lankans of the 70s and 80s fed the world with many little morsels of delicious brilliance that rarely, if ever, added up to a balanced, fully-satisfying meal. instead what we got were many sporadic performances of ephemeral brilliance that flattered to deceive. it took the emerald islanders close to 25 years to perform as equals.

fortunately, and on the basis of some stunning bangladeshi performances in 2007, we're quite certain that it won't take the 'green hornets' that long. in fact, much less.

we think it will take around 10 years for bangladesh to graduate into the big league and become one of the top 5 teams in world cricket. but for them to come close to achieving that, they'll need kids like ashraful, tamim iqbal, aftab and mashrafe to go on and play the nurturing role that the likes of arjuna ranatunga, arvinda d'silva, jayasuria and vaas did for sri lanka in the 90s.

cameos studded with deft placements, cheeky singles, outrageous paddles and pulls, sparkling cuts and which add up to little more than 70-run blitzes of the kind we saw ashraful rattle the black caps with today will not do the trick. all they'll do is leave us hankering for more. much, much more. and their fans hoping that a time will come when the sting of the green hornets will leave their victims with more than just a mild allergy.

Cricket Quotas

2007-12-25T06:33:00.000-08:00

fosters in hand (thank you for the cheque, fosters), sony dictaphone in the other, we walked into the football-stadium-sized dressing room that kumble described in his column with a well-known paper we'll never be sober enough to write for. who needs them? we're here. only because only we can get you the best cricket quotas in the universe. straight from the players who won't know we've been there listening to them and having imaginary conversations that lead to them spilling the beans because nobody ever aknowledges us. good. it helps when you want the best cricket quotas to be that way, in nobody's way. so, let's see what we got from the gang on the eve of the boxing day match.

"it's not like we're confused even though we may be so what if we don't know who's going to open the batting for us we know who it ain't going to be and that's not a bad place to start seeing that we're so confused. you want to open the batting?" beleaguered captain kumble still looking for an opening batsman to parter wasim jaffer. we politely declined citing our important job of delivering the freshest news to our devoted audience.

"all i need is one good innings to find my touch. though, i think dravid's the best guy to open with jaffer. bumping into virender sehwag and his bowling machine...perhaps the only bowler in the world of cricket who still hasn't figured out the way to dismiss him.

"it's not like i have a problem opening the batting for india. i just don't fucking dammit bastards don't want to do it! why the fuck should i be the fall guy after being the best fuckking batsman in the fucking side!" too petrified to wait and apologise to rahul dravid for bumping into him and who seemed a bit miffed with being, again, thrust the onerous task of opening the fucking indian batting...erm, apologies. we...kinda...sorta...feel for the senior pro.

"how do i look? you think they'll make me captain soon? did you say the way i hit my off-drives in that innings of 169? i looked so good enough for a double hundred, didn't i? how do i look? i think i'll go in at 6...no...5...no, 6. never mind. i'll make up mah mind on the day of the match. yeah, tomorrow." yuvraj doing a shoaib akhtar while waiting for his god-given place in the indian middle order. just then, from the corner of our eye we see dravid walking very quickly towards yuvi. contemplating the possibilities of a juicy exchange of quotas, we retired - not yet hurt - to a corner of the dressing room the size of a football field waiting for the explosion to happen and the hurt to follow.

some silent minutes later: it really was an extrvagantly endowed dressing room the size of a footy field with a corner so far that we were unable to hear anything at all of the spat that took place between yuvi and rahul. we did though hear the sms we recieved on our good old motorazr (thank you moto for the cheque) from kumble saying he was very disappointed with us for having hurriedly declined his gracious offer of a place in the indian side as an opening batsman. so disappointed in fact that he had decided to take matters into his own hands and partner jaffer at the top of the order.

yuvi, meanwhile, is getting used to doing a shoaib akhtar. rahul is waiting for yuvi to decide so that yuvi doesn't come after his own place in the batting order. sachin is practicing batting better in the 90s. dhoni, looking assured as ever, is drinking milk, eating biscuits and dreaming of his honey. then there's an australian guy sitting in the corner of the football-field-sized dressing room - but of course beer in hand - painting the scene. sure that his masterpeice would show up on channel 9 to be hawked as limited edition cricketobelia, we proceeded to invest the next few minutes of our time into painting a sign. see you, tomorrow morning. look out for a wild-eyed guy holding up a beer and a hand-painted, limited edition, up-for-sale signboard that says, what else, "please read TPR".

Listen up, Yuvi

2007-12-23T21:19:00.000-08:00

we've had enough of your tantrums. yes, you're good. yes, you deserve to find a place in the test side. yes, your father must be appeased. yes, you might even become the living legend. but for that, you're going to have to work just a wee bit harder. you might be the best odi batsman in the indian side but that doesn't make you good enough to displace one of the best batsman india have ever had from his place in the batting order. a senior player like dravid cannot be shunted around like this. you, yuvi, need to earn your stripes. you, yuvi, need to take responsbility. you, yuvi, might well be in line for an out-of-turn promotion. you, yuvi, need to pay attention to us. and you, dear reader, must send this out to seven people after we're done. and before the boxing day test match. for this massively important missive must reach yuvi. and now, in the interest of narrative complexity and the need for greater authority, we shall switch in and out of third person. yes, yuvi deserves a place in the boxing day side. but he must be tested sternly for it. we must respect the reluctance of dravid to open the batting. consider how insulting dravid must find our disregard for his unarguable stature as one of the best india has ever produced. a bitterer and sullener dravid could be disastrous to india's chances in the series. yuvi, you don't want to be responsible for that. what you want to be is more responsible. you want to open the batting. you want to shelter a nervous sehwag and give him one more test to get used to being back in the scheme of things. you want to show the team that you're ready to don, with dhoni, the mantle of the future face of indian cricket. you want to send a signal out to dravid that you are ready to take over from him. you want to quietly remind sachin you are doing something even sachin won't do. besides, opening the batting for india in this time of crisis will send a much-needed message to your detractors. the ones that think you're immature. spoiled. pampered. tantrum prone. too big for your boots. and have the temerity to try and push rahul 'the untouchable' dravid around. you're young. you're strong. you're a demi-god. you're adonis. you're the crown price of indian cricket. you're yuvraj. you can do anything. yes, even open the batting for india. and clatter the bowling. the bowling will be fast. you can be furious. there'll be yawning gaps in the field. you can shred them to bits. the aussie dingos will be snapping at your heels. you can leave them in your wake. the gods will be on your side. you can become one of them. we're certain you'll emerge with flying colours. and if you don't, you have nothing to lose. and much to gain from the experience. the admiration of your beleageared team members and the blue billion. the sigh of relief from an out of fuel, think tank. the fawning articles of praise the highly regarded mouthpieces of the world will write extolling your act of great bravery and selflessness. the knowledge that you have crossed an important milestone in your development as a test player, team man and leader. that you've done your father proud. do it. open the batting. grow up.

PS: please keep this appeal going. pass it on to seven people you know and so on and on that it eventually reaches yuvi. (it's the only way anything we say ever will.) every seven people you send it to will get you closer to millions of dollars of unclaimed funds lying in frozen bank accounts in nigeria.

First look - India vs. Australia 2007/8

2007-12-22T23:29:00.000-08:00

if the indians bat well, they won't lose the series 4-0. if the indians bowl well, they won't lose the series 4-0. if the indians bowl and bat well, they might lose the series 2-1. if the indians bat, bowl and field well, they might not lose the series. but no matter what the indians do, they will not win the series. unless...

the last time the indians were in australia, rahul, sourav, laxman, sehwag and akash chopra played out of their skins. sachin scored a double hundred without attempting the cover drive - which had contributed to his dismissal in the previous three innings - at any time during his knock. agarkar bowled like a man possessed - and not at all like the ajit agarkar we know. anil kumble did something he hadn't done for a very long time in his career up until then: consistently took wickets in a series outside the sub-continent. the captain and the coach got along with each other. heck, the captain had a coach. what do the indians have this time?

in a land which demands that batsmen always be at the top of their game and possess the most quicksilver of reflexes at all times, we have an ageing quartet of batting legends with waning skills and little more than the hunger to top their last performance down under with an even higher peak - a tall order, like no other they have so far encountered in their illustrious careers. in other news, the indians this time do come armed with a bowling attack less experienced but more talented than the one they challenged the australians with the last time - admittedly a big plus. unfortunately, what they don't come equipped with - and what they did during the previous tour - is an opening batsman with a iron-cast defense solid enough to see off the likes, and dislikes, of lee and company. (and that includes the delectable wasim jaffer.)

sehwag's technique - even in the best of times a bit iffy - nowadays betrays more gaps than a bad set of teeth. dinesh kartik hasn't scored enough runs in the most recent of times to back his copy-book skills and guarantee himself a place in the side. rahul dravid continues to be a reluctant opener. and as great as yuvraj might be, he's definitely not good enough to see off the new ball. all these things considered, it'll be a miracle if india manage to get past 450 every time they bat, which is the minimum they will need, to somewhat test the aussies.

luckily, this team has more than a handful of men bloody-mindedly determined to make a point or three; something they'll need to overcome the mighty australians in their own backyard.

rahul will be out to prove the chairman of the selectors wrong, and a few things to himself again. sourav would like to bury the ghosts of guru greg and australia in this his last tour of a country whose people don't exactly have a very high opinion of him. laxman will want to live up to his standard issue comment that he relishes the extra challenge of facing up to the relentlessly aggressive australian bowlers - we'll have to wait and see if he still relishes it in the evening of his sparkling career. yuvraj and dhoni will be raring to go on and establish their claim as the future of indian cricket. harbhajan, of course, has gone on record saying he'll "give it back" to the aussies. (along the way, he might also like to re-establish himself as the now-forgotten 'turbonator'.) above all, kumble must be eager to use this opportunity to remind people that he should have been made the captain of the side a lot earlier in his career.

man-to-man, the two sides look far from evenly matched. the aussies, clearly, have the aura of a superior unit. but cricket, like life, is a mind game. to a large extent, it is the inability to demonstrate adequate mental strength that has, so far, prevented india from conquering the australians in australia. it should come as no surprise that the closest the indians have come to doing so was when led by two of their toughest captains: sourav ganguly and sunil gavaskar. this time, in kumble, they have a similarly endowed skipper. how far kumble and his indians are able to maintain a high level of intensity in the face of the in-your-face ponting juggernaut is what will help them turn a most likely lost cause into an unlikely and historic series victory.

put not so simply, the way forward is to ignore the sorts who kick matters off with a negative mindset and words like 'a lost cause'. thank you for not paying attention to us sorts.

First look - Testing times for test cricket

2007-12-21T04:09:00.000-08:00

since the general consensus among the cricket chatterati over the issue of test cricket under lights is startlingly similar to what they had to say about it in coloured clothing, one can safely ignore the 'knee-jerks' and make a little time to consider this, a marginally more considered take on the same matter.

the great thing about adding to a topic the world has already had their say on is, you pretty much know the places you don't want to go to; because someone else has already dealt with it well enough - or badly - and there's obviously little merit in doing so again. the bad thing about coming late to the party is you're not left with anything startlingly different to contribute. (unless, you happen to be us.)

happily enough for us, years of consistently going zag while everyone else goes zig means we're more than prepared for the uphill task on hand. so, here comes zag.

tpr is quite keen to see test cricket under lights. for any sport to survive, it has to make money. and test cricket is not making money. in fact, everywhere it goes, it's losing money faster than a bad gambler. indeed, cricket in whites is as sacrosanct as, for instance, the dress code at wimbledon. unfortunately for cricket, it takes about 20 times longer to complete a test match. and there's only this much of tradition that non-cricket writing people with real jobs have the time and stomach for.

when sport - the primary purpose of which is to entertain - ceases to be engaging enough, something needs to be done to rejuvenate it. which is where the australians come in.

time and again the folks from down under have proved themselves to be masters at adding oomph to cricket. had they not introduced the day/night version of the game played in coloured clothing, one day internationals wouldn't have been anything as popular as they have turned out to be. but for the culture of continuous improvement in channel 9, cricket would not have become the huge tv sport that it is today. left to the english and the traditionalists cricket would have remained the elite sport that it started out as.

darwin's theory of evolution posits that incremental change is the chosen way forward. if test cricket doesn't respond to the demands to make it commercially viable, it will, at best, be reduced to little more than a curiousity. (or, at worst, go the way of the dodo.)

happily for the proponents of change, cricket is no longer a white-collar pastime in which the elite call the shots. of course for this latest development in the world of cricket to take place, someone is first going to have to come up with a coloured ball durable enough to survive the course of a test match. or else, neither will test cricket.

And the unaward goes to...

2007-12-20T22:48:00.000-08:00

welcome to the first edition of the pitch report christmas unawards (PRCU), an annual feature that's likely to cause about as much of a stir as the news of another cloudy day in london.

THE JONTY RHODES FIELDING PERFORMANCE OF THE YEAR UNAWARD
few teams have worked harder than pakistan to lower the standards of fielding in world cricket. nothing epitomized this better than their performance in the just concluded series against india, in which pakistan came to the party with one and a half bowlers, a handful of batsmen and 11 fumblers.

THE 'LOOK AT ME' UNAWARD FOR STYLE MINUS SUBSTANCE
should it be ravi shastri for his testosterone addled attitude? should be dilip vengsarkar for his petulance? should it be daryl hair for his self-righteous manner? perhaps it should be daryl hair for his stand-out services to the cause of cricket umpiring. not. there was one man who called more attention to himself than even hair. (no, not rameez raja and his hair.) for providing us with an unending supply of newsworthy stories and for drawing more attention to himself than a peacock in heat, the honour goes to shoaib akhtar.

SOUR GRAPES UNAWARD OF THE YEAR
to shane warne for not giving adam gilchrist his due in his list of top 50 cricketers of his generation. all because the aussie selectors overlooked warne for not just the captaincy but also the vice-captaincy of the australian side.

TEAM OF THE YEAR
to the once-mighty west indies for continuing to enrich world cricket with the one quality so essential for great entertainment: tragedy. as we all know, there can be no drama, no excitement and nothing to lament about without a great tragedy.

THE TOKEN CRICKET UNAWARD FOR WOMEN
mandira bedi for proving, once again, that men will be men and women will be decorative pieces.

THE JOHN BUCHANNAN UNAWARD
handed out to people who have performed outstandingly in their role as coach, the john buchannan unaward for the year goes to john bracewell and greg chappell for proving to be even less useful than a transportation vehicle to their respective teams.

COMEBACK OF THE YEAR
this unaward goes to the just-recovered munaf patel for being asked to go back to domestic cricket so that he may work hard enough of his fitness and make yet another comeback next year.

THE GHOST UNAWARD FOR SERVICES TO CRICKET LITERATURE
to all the cricket writers of the world that the players strenuously insist they never read but make it a point to cultivate to get puff pieces written about them.

THE AUSSIE LEE UNAWARD FOR BEST BRAWL
to the australian team that was waiting eagerly for sreesanth only to find out that the speedster has been ruled out of the tour down under on account of injury.

THE HARRY HOUDINI UNAWARD FOR GREATEST ESCAPE
to the indian team for having managed to come away from the test series against pakistan without a 3-0 result in their favour; despite the pakistanis doing everything they could to make things easy for india.

AND FINALLY, THE SIDESHOW JOHNNY LEVER UNAWARD FOR MAKING UP THE NUMBERS
all the teams in world cricket that line up for their turn at being thrashed by the aussies.

Cricket Quotas

2007-12-13T07:26:00.001-08:00

so we're back from an invigorating whistle-stop tour to the far corners of the earth. and what do we have to show for our travails? what else, but yet another set of cricket quotas from the people who don't know how to keep their mouths shut when they ought to. for if anyone wants their innermost thoughts to be aired for the benefit of nobody at all, all they need to do is drop their gourd...sorry, guard in our presence.

from post-bangalore test reactions to pre-india down under bluster, we have it all for the benefit of you, dear readers. cooked up with a generous pinch of salt guaranteed to make your blood pressure shoot up to stratospheric levels.

"if i had jaggu dalmiya and the rest of the selectors under my thumb, i'd have achieved much more as a captain." sachin tendulkar giving a fitting riposte to sourav's whine about how much more he might have achieved had he batted higher up the order in tests.

"if i had not become complacent i'd have achieved much more as a cricketer." sourav ganguly, as is his wont, letting his guard down now that he has booked his place in the indian team for another year.

"if i had not become chappell's captain i'd still be the captain of india." rahul dravid in a reflective mood after the indo-pak series.

"it's my turn to prove chappell wrong." virender sehwag in an optimistic mood after being picked for the tour of australia.

"i'm sorry, but i'm not fit to answer that question." munaf patel being munaf patel in the face of the demands being placed on him as an international cricketer.

"i'm sorry, but i won't answer that question until the camera is turned towards me." shoaib akhtar being shahrukh khan.

"i was told that i have a shoulder injury. i'm still trying to find it." gautam gambhir's reaction when asked for a reaction on being left out for the tour of australia.

"i'm really happy to have made the cut for the trip to australia." left-arm spinner murali kartik showing off his googly and dismissing us with his plans for the tour of australia, as a commentator.

"we're thinking of asking braces to pad up and face tait." daniel vettori on how new zealand plan to counter the pace of an enraged tait and a hare-brained john bracewell.

"it's disgusting that someone is trying to do to tait what we have all along been doing to murali." ricky ponting reacting to the questions being raised about tait's action.

"look at me." rameez raja to rameez raja when he isn't with other people.

"look at me." rameez raja when he is with other people.

"i'm going to find myself a godfather and ask him to improve his bowling." indian medium pacer, ranadeb bose on how he plans to improve his bowling skills, and make it back into the indian team.

"my target is to get fit enough and bowl faster than anil kumble." the rapidly slowing munaf patel on how he plans to resurrect his floundering career.

"i'd be quite willing to captain the test side." the ever-entertaining younis khan once again declining to be captain of the pakistani cricket team.

and with that, we come to an end to this round of cricket quotas. we'll be back sooner than a cloudburst with more from the only program that gives you all the news that doesn't make the news.

Modi bats for Parthiv

2007-12-13T07:25:00.000-08:00

under intense pressure from a host of political opponents and the press for exhibiting dictatorial tendencies, the gujarat chief minister and chief goonda, narendra modi has, in a masterstroke that is sure to put his detractors on the backfoot, jumped onto the cricket bandwagon.

after being repeatedly accused of displaying a marked tendency towards megalomania of the kind that the late, not-so-great india...we mean indira's congress used to specialise in with the 'india is indira and indira is india' statements, the chief goonda of one of india's most communally sensitive states has come out with his strongest rebuff, yet, to his crickets...err, we mean critics.

seeing that his election campaign for control over the state of gujarat was in dire need of a fresh impetus, modi - obviously taking a leaf out of king 'abs' khan's promotional book - has come out strongly in support of the 'select parthiv patel for the indian team' brigade and launched the 'parthiv is gujarat' (PIG) foundation.

"the PIG foundation's is an uncharitable trust whose role will be to bring to the notice of the selectors the the injustices being meted out to all the fine cricketers from my gujarat." he said. when asked why parthiv and other cricketers from 'his gujarat' were, in 'his opinion', being discriminated against, he said, "you journalists never talk about the good things that are taking place in the state of gujarat. the development projects, the health-care initiatives, the industrialisation, the performances of parthiv patel...none of these things make any difference to you. all you want to do is criticise me and my gujarat."

not quite sure how to react to this unrelated tirade in response to what we thought was a fairly innocuous question, we scurried off to locate parthiv patel and find out what the baby-faced stumper had to say about the PIG foundation.

stumped by this latest show of support from the chief minister of his state, parthiv reiterated that his job was to keep performing and leave the rest to the advertisers...erm, selectors. stifling the instinct to yawn, we soldiered on in pursuit of a more newsworthy quote. obligingly enough, the former india wicket-keeper batsman added that he also hoped the always innovative australians would suggest yet another way to enliven test cricket by sending out four opening batsman to kick off every innings of a test match - as that was the most likely way he saw himself making a comeback to an indian team in which the only vacant slots were at the top of the batting order.

wondering what the people of gujarat were smoking to be able to conjure up such wonderfully outlandish thoughts we walked into munaf patel, half-heartedly holding up a placard that said 'Mr. Modi, Munaf is Parthiv!' carelessly oblivious to the possible ramifications of attempting to get to the bottom of this, we looked askance at munaf only to discover that he was, yet again, unfit to answer to any of the demands placed on him.

relieved to not have been assaulted by yet another round of gujarati logic but at the same time determined to get to the bottom of this matter, we went back to the man who claimed to know the pulse of every gujarati in the world. "it's quite elementary, my friend. munaf is a patel. parthiv is a patel. and so munaf is parthiv." realising - most likely from the expression on our face - that we weren't following any of this, he triumphantly added, "see, only a gujarati will understand these matters and that is why i am gujarat!" concluded a smug-faced mr. modi.

reminding ourselves that in future we must restrict ourselves to quizzing mr. modi about development, industrialisation and healthcare, we checked our cellphone for any messages from the various stars clamouring to share their thoughts with us on various matters of earth-shaking impotence. (for the uninitiated, that's gujarati for importance.)

not surprisingly, there was one, more, from king 'abs' khan. demonstrating a remarkable mastery over the intricate goings-on in world cricket, geopolitics and modern history, his message to us said, "the easiest way for parthiv to get back into international cricket is to re-invent himself as a fast-bowler and move to pakistan. after all, many a patel is from pakistan. call me. i want to talk cricket. and promote my next film."

Unlucky Sehwag makes the cut

2007-12-12T17:34:00.000-08:00

after this and this from two of the more highly regarded cricket writers in the business, it's time for this: Sehwag should consider himself very unlucky to have been picked for Australia. yes, you may gasp audibly. (much in the manner the scribes apparently did when the name 'Virender Sehwag' was mentioned in the list of 15 selected for the tour of australia.)

ever the contrarian, we're of the opinion - contrary to popular belief, of course - that sehwag will be ruing his luck that he didn't get a chance to pad up (and pad his averages) in the just concluded run-fest against pakistan. instead, he has been handed the - mostly - unwanted and unequivocally unenviable task of facing a bowling attack that few batsmen in the world relish the prospect of going up against; and more than a few of the widely read mouthpieces in the world of cricket writing consider 'frighteningly fast'. indeed, so truly blessed must be the bloke who is told that his career depends on how he tackles one of the toughest assignments in world cricket.

we'll tell you what we think is really 'lucky'. 'lucky' is being asked to open the innings against an attack that is so docile it ought to be called a 'defense'. 'lucky' is being secure in the knowledge that the guys behind the wickets waiting to snaffle any of your edges will, most of the time, not manage to do so. 'lucky' is when as an opening batsman all you have to do is see off one quality bowler who will, more often than not, do the job for you by giving up after a few overs of trying. 'lucky' is dinesh kartik who somehow managed to score a fifty when the pressure was off. 'lucky' is sourav ganguly who just about managed to get through the kotla test and lived to fight another day. 'lucky' is every indian batsman who is given an opportunity to play in india. 'lucky' is not sehwag.

fortunately for sehwag - and this is lucky - his first test will not be against the 'fremantle doc', australia and the fast waca wicket in perth. it will be in melbourne - one of the happier hunting grounds down under for india. we're well aware of what virender sehwag did to the australians the last time he played against them at the mcg. and on that upbeat note, here's our proposed XI for the boxing day test match: jaffer, sehwag, dravid, tendulkar, ganguly, laxman, dhoni, kumble, harbajan, pathan and zaheer khan.

here's wishing sehwag a verry merry x'mas and all the luck he now deserves. unfortunately for him, he's been asked to prove himself against australia. in australia.

Proposed SAARC meet to discuss wickets

2007-12-11T18:15:00.000-08:00

in a move clearly aimed at restoring relevance to an august institution of regional development that has had nothing significant to do since the time of its inception, the south asian association for regional co-operation (SAARC) has called for an urgent meeting to discuss the state of the wickets in the sub-continent.

the BCCI has reacted to this newest challenge to its hegemony by launching the south asian association for regional non-cooperation (SAARNC) and, furthermore, banning anyone who decides to play for SAARC. on being politely informed that SAARC was not a new cricket league but, rather, another group of self-serving individuals with nothing better to do than...well, non-cooperate, the BCCI swiftly revoked the ban, instantly dissolved the still-unborn SAARNC and decided to reach out to the SAARC on common grounds.

in another related development, bollywood has issued a statement wholeheartedly supporting this coming together of SAARC and the BCCI because it firmly believes that without lively wickets, cricket becomes a dull sport, which means fewer opportunities for their own stars to advertise their set of wares to a captured audience. shahrukh khan, in particular, has requested that he be allowed to attend the SAARC-BCCI summit meeting so that he may promote his most newly developed body part. it is believed that the BCCI and SAARC have politely discouraged him from doing so because they feel his presence will hamper their continued efforts to do nothing at all.

meanwhile, the south asian wickets curators association (SAWCA) have requested that they be sent the minutes of this most important summit meeting. simultaneously, they have also promised to constitute a sitting committee on the matter to ponder the future course of inaction.

the parties most affected by the state of the wickets in the sub-continent, the players, are adopting a wait and watch attitude to these latest developments in the hub of cricket. off the record, though, the batsmen are believed to be somewhat unhappy because it promises to change - for the worse - the one part of the world they could safely pad their batting averages in. the bowlers,on the other hand, are thought to be enthusiastically pessimistic about these latest round of initiatives because they know full well nothing much will come out of it.

but the last word on this matter must go to the dodos who have forwarded an ever-growing list of extinct species to all the parties concerned with the promotion of good cricket, urging them to consider using analogies other than 'dead as a dodo' to describe the state of wickets. misinformed sources tell us that the shirt-makers of the world (SOTW), too, are considering sending in a similar petition to combat the preponderance of the 'flat as a shirt-front' comparison.

finally, in another opportunistic attempt to promote himself, shahrukh khan has urged the BCCI, SAARC and the highly clannish association of cricket editors and writers (HCACEW) to seriously consider the use of the metaphor 'this is a wicket that's as flat as king khan's abs' to solve the dodo and the SOTW's problem. last we heard, the members of the BCCI and SAARC - wholly in keeping with their illustrious record - have postponed the proposed meet until people cease to further notice.

Let's wrap

2007-12-10T14:12:00.000-08:00

since we're making grand plans to go on a holiday longer than anything a workaholic like us might make the time to even consider, we thought it best to share some of our parting thoughts on the year 2007 that was for indian cricket.

in an unfair world, the year would belong only to sourav. but since that would mean an unacceptably short review for the powers-that-be who pay us our peanuts for monkeying around in the hallowed precincts of this rag, we're going to have to be a lot fairer and take stock of all the people who bothered to make their mark in 2007 - mostly for the right reasons.

towards the end of 2006, all eyes in indian cricket - and, to an extent, even australian - were on one man. eyes that were trying to reconcile with a doubting mind harbouring sobering thoughts on whether the ageing body of this man could still call upon the skills required to keep pace with his never-say-die spirit. one year later, that man has provided an answer more conclusive than any of us thought he was anymore capable of delivering. with almost 950 runs at an average of over 60 runs per innings, sourav ganguly is our mega-star for 2007. (and no, we will not qualify it with uncharitable comments on the dubious quality of some of the opposition bowling attacks he made these runs against.)

in other people who make it to this much-anticipated and widely dissected annual, global and world famous news bulletin: we have wasim jaffer who has taken huge strides in his journey towards cementing a place at the top of a star-studded batting order in which nobody had the moxie to step forward and do the most difficult job of opening the innings with him. which is an all-important reason our next star of the year 2007 is the little dinesh karthik.

living in a country of a billion people who stoically tolerate an acute paucity of opening batsmen, fast bowlers and time for those who haven't been touched by the much-ballyhooed 9% rate of growth in gdp, it behooves us to make a little space for...a man who is so hungry to be in the indian team that he is willing to do much of the dirty work that far more established players have blithely turned their backs on. for his can-do spirit and not-so-inconsiderable skills as a batsman - that were on display for the most part of 2007 - we rate dinesh karthik as an 'outperformer'.

the other players whose stocks have risen through 2007 would be the 'almost very very special' laxman, gautam 'very intense' gambhir, irfan 'comeback' pathan, zahir 'comeback' khan, robin 'the mouth' uthappa, rohit 'the kid' sharma, rudra 'dreamboat' pratap singh and the devsaab of indian cricket, sachin 'evergreen' tendulkar. very honourable mention: anil 'tireless' kumble for bailing his country out of a tight spot and taking on the poisoned chalice of the indian test captaincy.

taking...erm, stock of the picks we have put together so far, we're wondering who we might have left out? immediately after doing so, it dawns on us that we haven't done what we're best unknown for: taking the laggards to the cleaners. well, there's a very good reason for it. seeing that we're so happy with the way things have panned out for us the past year, we didn't want to leave 2007 with any kind of negative bias. and so, we won't.

there's one or two things though we will say before taking the high road out of these parts. ms 'nothing to do with bill gates' dhoni and yuvraj 'my father's dreams' singh were, for us, the two people who kept the established 'stars' on their toes, the young guns in high spirits and the demanding advertisers coming back for more. without them the indian cricket circus of 2006-07 might only have been remembered for the world cup debacle, the utterly shambolic, depressing, tragicomic shenanigans of the bcci and a certain greg chappell, mbe, vec (very emotional coach). that said, dear unreaders, we're off.

ps: you may violently disagree with all or many of these carefully calibrated assessments we've taken little trouble to cobble together for your read. but for that you'll have to read, at least, some of our drivel. good luck. (you'll need it.)

First look - Ishant Sharma

2007-12-09T19:27:00.000-08:00

first things on first look, this boy should go back to domestic cricket. he's too frail in the head and body. they say, you underestimate today's youth only if you like being made to look like a fool. (or some such thing vaguely foreboding.) but what we have to say about him - which is a lot more than what we think of him - thankfully, has less to do with his age and more with his inabilities - mental, technical and physical. maybe we've already said too much.

that all said, where should we start? there's so many things about him we could rip apart. but we won't. because we're telling ourselves don't. because it helps to be tall if you want to be a fast bowlers. it helps to be able to bowl at 130 kph even when doing it all wrong. it helps to look like something out of the ordinary to make an impression. it helps to make a physical impression if you're a fast bowler. that apart, we don't want to break him. fortunately for the brittle-looking fella, there's no chance of that ever happening. (you see, nobody reads us.)

happily we live in a good time for cricket. by which we mean we live in a time when all the reputed writers of the game - us not included - that people avariciously consume - again, us not included - like hungry refugees, are level-headed and compassionate enough to understand that they should go easy on this boy. that he needs more time. that he could do with a stint at the mrf pace academy - a long stint. so enough about the lad. which is not to say the less said about him the better. though that, too, wouldn't be too far off the mark.

time now to dexterously wrap it all up like a well-balanced shawarma and leave you with this nugget of a punt, the ponting in us says ishant sharma has a 50/50 shot at becoming the right-handed bruce reid of indian cricket. (with hair by jason gillespie.) which, all put together, might be a mixed blessing. but considering the perennial shortage of quicks in india - not counting the fearsome duo of amoebic dysentery and diarrhea - we'll more than settle for that. and, at this stage, so will pakistan. (right now, they'll take anything.)

(hatchet-)job done, time now to get all the blood off our hands and body with a much-needed showerma. (in a word and more, end of shameless self-promotion.)

Australia pick Sreesanth

2007-12-09T08:22:00.000-08:00

in another round of the targetting the australians are so fond of indulging in before any series, they announced they would be going after the aggressive indian speedster in the coming series. (only not much later than a malfunctioning alarm did it dawn on us what they really meant by this.)

when the hosts were gently informed that sreesanth wouldn't be gracing their shores with his presence on account of an injury, they were most upset but quickly recovered and responded to this unexpected googly from the indian think by swiftly embarking upon the unprecedented step of inviting sreesanth to join the australian team. (perhaps in retaliation to the bcci's move to buy out their mercenaries...erm, players for the ipl.)

flummoxed but never hastily dismissive of anything australian, we wondered what the not-so-obvious agenda behind this radical step might be. and that's why we contacted their mole in the indian camp.

"oh, if you ask me that fella buchy is behind all this. after his latest idea of letting australian players play in teams from other countries to help make for a more level cricket playing field was firmly dispatched to beyond the boundaries of the ridiculous (only to be replaced with australian players selling their souls to the ipl), this must be his way of weakening the australian team and subtly levelling the playing field, which, happily enough, also makes for better tv rating points and higher sales of bizarre australian cricketing memorabilia. basically, once the world realises how much more entertaining this business of mixed teams is, they'll understand this is the way forward for cricket."

noticing that the mole was getting overly attached to his own enlightened spin on all things and overlooking simple facts like john buchanan was no longer the coach of the australian team, we thought it best to make for the door and save ourselves any more of this mental disintegration. on our way out, the mole rushed towards us and thrust a business card in our hands. it said, 'Greg Chappell, MBE, VEC, Very Emotional Coach.'

we looked at the respected gent and waited for one of his famous parting shots. he didn't disappoint. shooting from the hip, he said, "has sourav been taking batting lessons from gary?"

not feeling quite right about walking out on a man who was suddenly playing misty-eyed on us, we called upon all the reserves of compassion we weren't in the least bit aware we had in such abundance and asked him, "the seniors are going to retire soon. do you think you'll ever go back to coaching the indian cricket team?"

to which, smiled and said, greg chappell, MBE, VEC, "now you know why i came back to coach the lalit modi's state team."

Loin of Punjab and Bengal Tiger feast on Pakistani lambs to the slaughter

2007-12-08T16:59:00.000-08:00

admittedly, tpr is not too keen about the excessive length of the headline. (much, much longer than the five or six word limit that's considered proper by the important people who decide on these things.) but, as our time in the badlands of advertising falanas and dimkanas has taught us, less is not always more. even more so, when there exist a profusion of punning opportunities that we're sure our highly literate audience will most definitely appreciate.

and so, pleased as a skilled minesweeper for having deftly side-stepped our way out of a potentially tricky issue, time now to dig into another one of our characteristically unmeasured takes; this time on the incandescent brilliance of the two princes of indian cricket who lit up the four corners of chinnaswamy stadium with an array of chops that would have done a masseur proud. and, in the process, consigned the moral victory achieved by pakistan at eden to the forgotten reaches of short public memory.

on a day when - in the grander scheme of things - almost everything went swimmingly well for india (save for gambhir's continuing inability to nail down a place in the test side), the pakistani bowling attack, once again, looked more toothless than a gummy geriatric. shoaib akthar's consistent inability to bowl more than a handful of overs at express pace on the first day of two of the three test matches in this series has meant that the indian top order has never had to tackle anything like the questions that might have been thrown at them in a more evenly matched contest. (that a gentle trundler like yasir arafat still managed to reduce the indians to 61-4 is something the australians will have gleefully made a note of.)

that said, the first day's play was not about shoaib's latest injury worries. it was not about gambhir's inability to, yet again, find a better way negotiate the so-called 'corridor of uncertainty' outside his off-stump. it was not about jaffer's mildly disturbing penchant for getting himself out without offering a stroke - in our memory, he has done it three times in his short career so far. it was not about vvs laxman's not-so-special habit of playing half-cock and exposing himself to the vulnerability of being bowled or leg before wicket more often than not in the early part of his innings. it was about the two princes of indian cricket who provided a fitting riposte to their naysayers.

the pressure on sourav - who hasn't ever, at least, in our memory, followed up a big score in a test match with more of the same in the next - to keep his place in a middle-order bursting with resources must have been immense. and the conditions to do so were far from ideal. probably, the prospect of playing his 100th test match on boxing day in the backyard of the old enemy - australia - must have fuelled an appetite for runs in sourav we have rarely had the privilege of seeing. sourav was always a captain with a cast-iron stomach for combat, but it is in his 'post-greg chappell avataar' that the former captain and prince of calcutta has considerably tightened his defenses and buckled down to concentrate harder on the business of scoring runs. and it showed.

while the youthful heir apparent yuvraj scored faster, more attractively and more, it was the mature dada who looked the more assured and at no time in any great danger of losing his wicket. so will sourav get it right this time and go on to score a double hundred? if his near flawless performance on the first day is anything to go by, we would bet on it. we'd also be very interested in watching how dinesh kartik rises to this occasion. considering how stiff the competition is for the one or, maybe, two available batting slots in the side and how ravenously everyone is competing for them, day two promises to be a most revealing one.

will dinesh kartik, with his superior batting technique, strengthen his case for inclusion in the side as wicket-keeper batsman at the expense of dhoni? should india pick a regular opener like gambhir or sehwag or, even akash chopra, to partner with jaffer in australia? who in the middle order will make way for yuvraj in the next test match? will it be dravid? can they afford to leave out dravid against the likes of lee and company on the fast australian wickets? and in the midst of all these india-centric issues, shouldn't we spare a little, eensy-weensy thought for the delightfully-eccentric younis khan?

indeed, we must. the beleaguered skipper was - on a first day wicket fresher than anything seen so far in the series in a test match pakistan had to win - forced to fall back on the likes of salman butt and yasir hameed to buy wickets. in all the years of consuming cricket, never have we been witness to a series in which the indians have regularly taken the field with a more potent new ball attack than that of pakistan's - something the think tank would do well to factor in while preparing for australia.

The Guess Who - An Auld Game

2007-12-07T18:15:00.000-08:00

it would only be a marginal inaccuracy to refer to our man as a 'saucy or impudent girl'. except, this person happens to be rather more disciplined, almost as straight-laced as a victorian corset and plays in a manner that can hardly be described as saucy. even the nickname given to him by his team-mates is boringer than watching grass grow on a dead wicket. so much so, one of the two most conspicuous things about him is his name. the other of course is his first-class record before he got his break as an international player with an appetite for large constructions. no, he was not born in zimbabwe. and no, he does not flinch from genuine fast bowling. so that should straightaway eliminate many comparisons with other players who had illustrious, longer-than-usual domestic careers to go before their initiation into the big, bad world of test cricket. speaking of late bloomers, there's much about misbah that reminds us of this man - no, not misbah's comedic running between the wickets. rather, it's the quiet, systematic and calm way in which they both go about establishing their presence in the middle. (come to think of it, our conundrum for the day happens to be one of the finest runners between the wickets.) in other news: it took him 166 days of test cricket to beat andrew strauss' world record. actually, from just the looks of it, strauss and he share a fair bit in common. going forward, captain kumble and company would do well to spend a little time reading up on him. for they can be sure as his front and back foot play that he'll be eagerly awaiting their arrival shortly. though not quite in the same manner as we shall for the arrival of your non-existent answer in comments.

The Guess Who - An Auld Game

2007-12-07T05:04:00.000-08:00

marauder, master-blaster and butcher make for unlikely but perfect epithets to describe the way this shy, unassuming man plays his cricket. after the great sir isaac vivian 'neena gupta' alexander richards, our man has got, perhaps, the most famous, and most fearsome, forearms in contemporary cricket. interestingly enough, both - viv and he - played a crucial role in numerous matches with their dangerous but under-rated bowling skills. when it comes to their batting, though, none of their opponents ever made the mistake of underestimating them, and the often benign indian and english attacks - against whom they've both played knocks that will proudly stand the test of time - were among their two most favored whipping boys. considering that he has more than a few things in common with the great richards, it needs to be stated here, right off the...err, bat, that their personalities are as different from each other as are opposites. well, actually, when it comes to the public image they choose to cultivate they are opposites. that said, they both come from islands of cricketing excellence. for someone who shares so much in common with viv richards, it seems only right that he has something to do with the other richards too. and he does. in fact, he is like barry richards. in passing, we'd like to point out that in and around deep backward point was an area our man preferred to do a bulk of his scoring in; mostly in flat 6s and ferocious 4s. that aspiring opening batsmen today don't think a copy-book technique is a necessary condition to do the job has much to do with this man. what they don't realize is that his unique, club-like forearms had much to do with the way only he played. can you, dear readers of this not-at-all-esteemed cricket rag, tell us who we are trying harder than a prehistoric rock not to reveal the name of? answer in comments.

Cricket Quotas

2007-12-05T20:56:00.001-08:00

and we're back sooner than a premature ejaculation with another edition of cricket quotas. this time, it's from our tripping around with the indian team after their moral loss to pakistan in eden. the clinically described 'studious looking' captain first.

"i'm xyz/m+n% certain that there's absolutely no such thing as a moral victory."
when asked to comment on murali's world record.

"i'm xyz/m+n% certain that there's absolutely no such thing as a moral victory."
when asked to comment on harbhajan's 5-wicket haul.

"i'm xyz/m+n% certain that there's absolutely no such thing as a moral victory."
when not asked anything at all!

"how do i look?"
ramiz raja, asking people even when nobody is there to ask.

"what did my fellow commentator say?"
siva, when asked for a comment on the eden test.

"what did the women say?"
shaz, when asked for a comment on the eden test.

"i'm putting in my papers!"
'look at me' vengsarkar, when asked for a comment on the eden test.

"arre, bangalore is my hometown. we have nothing to worry. i'm xyz/m+n% certain that there's absolutely no such thing... "
reverting back to his motivational mantra...we scooted before kumble could finish; wondering why we bothered at all. and then we spotted looking quite dapper and unapproachable. and so, the hardworking stringer that we most truly are, we approached him.

"don't bother me. people are looking at me!"
'look at me' lara, when asked for a comment on the eden test.

by now we were utterly confounded by the number of people we were being urged to look at and so proceeded to abandon our quest for any further quotas from the 'look at me brigade', only to fall into the wily arms of 'don't look at me' sharad pawar staring down at us. this is what he had to say on the eden test.

"tell vengsarkar we have contacted his ghost writer and we know how much he pays him. it's better if he concentrates on selecting the team and accepting what we deem is right for a selector."

pleasantly surprised by this thoroughly unexpected dispensation, we ignored the foresight to look ahead of us and bumped into a frowning gent and a pale shadow of another person's former self. they turned out to be, who else, but the colonel's ghost and writer walking around with newspaper clippings containing the preposterous figures vengsarkar quotas he earns from his newspaper columns.

discreetly noting their troubled presence, dicta phone in hand bursting with quotas on just about everything except the, obviously inconsequential, eden game, we scurried away from the possibility of encountering any further quotas.

Cricket Quotas

2007-12-05T00:54:00.000-08:00

"why don't you ask warne."
murali, when asked how it felt to break warne's world record.

"chuck it."
warne, when asked how it felt to be broken by murali.

"i'm saving myself for the icl."
jayasuria, when asked to comment on murali's world record.

"the fucking terrorist got another wicket!"
deano jones, when asked to comment on murali's world record.

"stay invested."
pc chidambaram, when asked to comment on murali's world record.

"murali is not the terrorist who has invested large sums in the indian stock market. but he is an assassin."
cricket fan, word player and indian finance minister, pc chidamabaram, when asked to comment on murali's world record.

"how do i look?"
ramiz raja, when asked to comment on murali's world record.

"how do i look?"
shahid afridi, when asked to comment on murali's world record.

"how do i look?"
shoaib akthar when asked to comment on murali's world record.

"look at me!"
greg chappell, when asked to comment on murali's world record.

and finally, it's only fair that we give the last word to the new world champion bowler muthiah muralitharan, "why don't you ask warne."

Pakistan seal moral victory

2007-12-04T02:53:00.000-08:00

the great thing about moral victories is that while they might feel a bit unsatisfying they do leave you rather hungry for the real thing. what's more, they also infuse you with the confidence to believe that you have turned the corner and are ready to taste success. after getting out of what - against a better bowling attack - might have looked like their alcatraz of this tour of india, pakistan and, in particular, their makeshift captain younis khan will be waiting for bangalore as eagerly as andrew symonds and company will be awaiting the arrival of sreesanth. to think it all started with one unlikely atlas holding the fort in almost lost cause.

right from inaugural edition of the t20 world cup, which is when he first laid his eyes on the indian attack, misbah has developed an affection for them that ought to make them blush. what he started in the delhi test - but couldn't quite finish - he brought to fruition, appropriately enough, in the garden of eden. and from the looks of it, it needed misbah - and, of all the distinguished batsmen, a sami - to knock sense into the rest of the pakistani batters. so that even though the atlas from mianwali, for once, failed to settle in for the long haul, the two Ys were rejuvenated enough to remind the indian bowlers what they might have to deal with much more of when the gladiators reassemble in bangalore; of course, with help from the inspirational misbah. (if his yousufesque record against india is anything to go by, now that he has failed once, he's due for a big one.)

on reflection, it's quite obvious that india, yet again, missed most the services of an aggressive bowler like rp singh or sreesanth. munaf, notwithstanding his startling dismissal of misbah in the second essay, didn't look like much more than a hardworking trundler. at 150 for 5 in the first innings and down for the count, india needed a better bowler to rattle the likes of akmal. and, crucially, the stumps. for the next test, we believe either rp or sree or, even, the shrewd pathan deserve a look in. in fact, we're not quite certain why pathan - with his ability to out-think the batsman, which would have proved invaluable during periods in the kolkatta test when it looked like the indian attack had run out of fuel and ideas - was not given the nod over munaf in this game. the vote of confidence would have done pathan a world of good in the run-up to the tour of australia - for which, we're convinced, he should be selected. and what about munaf? more about him in another piece.

speaking of pieces, kumble in his post-match piece said moral victories mean nothing to him. perhaps the studious-looking skipper has a point. (because as a studious-looking sort he must.) but we'd like to point this out. without a moral victory, india might not have gone on to win the recently concluded test series in england. without a moral victory in the test series, nasser's flintoff may not have gone on to win england the odi series and bare his chest. and without moral victories, cricket would not be a mind game. but it is. that's why when a team that needs nearly 300 runs to stay in the series does so, in some style, with the help of only one top order batsman and one out-of-form wicket-keeper fighting for his place in the side, it's not just a moral victory. it has all the makings of a momentum shift, the repercussions of which are likely to go some way. maybe all the way down to india's tour of australia.

Misbah rocks the casbah

2007-12-03T04:18:00.000-08:00

he came. he saw. he conqured. he remained unconquered. but has the 'flaky' misbah done enough to save pakistan? let's, quickly, consider how much the maestro from mianwali has toiled to keep the men from his side of the wagah afloat in this match...and the series

today, he played more than half the number of deliveries bowled during the entire duration of the pakistani innings. he was at the crease for over 80% of the time the pakistani first innings lasted. at the end of it all, he wasn't dismissed. he rarely looked in any kind of trouble. and we won't say we told you he was going to be the next inzamam-ul-haq. we'll leave that for the other more well-known mouthpieces. all this to say without misbah, this series would have by now been decided in india's favour. that said, it still looks like it's going that way.

just when it looked like india had dropped the ball, lost the plot and handed back the initiative to pakistan - despite, shockingly enough, having scored over 600 runs in the first innings - kumble, laxman and the gods of cricket conjured up a moment of magic to add to the glittering array of memories and stars this wonderful match has throw up for our entertainment and enrichment. rarely have we been witness to a match with more brilliant performances. jaffer. dravid. sachin. laxman. sourav. dhoni. bhajji's 5 wicket haul. kumble's tireless spell. misbah. akmal. sami. jaffer again. the return of a refreshed, radiant but sadly luckless shoaib in the second innings. and we've still got a potentially gripping final day's play to come.

as is often the case after a team scores big...very big in the first knock on a wicket with only marginally more life than in a fossil, it's up to that team to make more things happen. so far, that team - india - have held the initiative for most part of this match....with a little help from a lackluster display by the pakistani top order batsman. come tomorrow, it'll be up to the indian bowlers, and fielders, to better their largely average first innings performances with a series of superior, decisive knock-out punches. Ys or no Ys, they can be certain as sunrise that one man will be calmly waiting for them. misbah.

Misbah-ul-Haq to Captain Pakistan

2007-12-03T03:46:00.001-08:00

after younis khan declined to be, even, the makeshift captain for the third test, despot dictator general mushy stepped in to solve this latest crisis and appointed misbah-ul-haq as emergency skipper. in a very brief follow up address to the nation he barked, "in pakistan emergency is the answer to all crises."

immediately after, the vastly experienced cricket scholar, dr. shahid afridi added that misbah-ul-haq will have to be more aggressive as a captain. when the respected pundit was reminded that this is exactly what he had said to the former skipper, dr. shahid afridi promised to be more aggressive in his next set of statements.

in his first press conference after the appointment, captain misbah appointed sami as his vice-captain. he said, "sami is the one guy i have spent the most time with. i trust he will return the sentiment." in his first press conference after his appointment, sami flicked back his lustrous locks and politely returned the favour. it is believed the newly appointed captain misbah - being so used to doing everything to save pakistan - is considering taking on the responsibility of the vice captaincy too.

on the flight back to australia geoff lawson, the former coach of pakistan, said he had learned a lot during his stint with the pakistani team. when pushed for a quote, he said he had learned to keep his mouth shut.

in his second press conference after being made skipper, misbah-ul-haq cited family commitments meant that he regretfully wouldn't be able to take over the additional privilege of captaining pakistan. seeing that the next in line for the job would, logically speaking, be the vice captain, general mushy, fighting back tears, invited the vice captain misbah-ul-haq to take over from captain misbah-ul-haq as captain of pakistan. vice-captain misbah-ul-haq has asked for some time to consider the offer.

on that gripping note about the behind-the-scenes happenings from the world of crocket, this is tpr signing off with wink and a smile.

Akmal keeps the faith

2007-12-02T17:28:00.000-08:00

we're not quite sure what gets into their heads but there is definitely something about pakistani wicket-keepers that makes them play out of their skins against india. the pakistani think-tank needs to be commended for persisting with a man whose neck has, for some time, been on the chopping block.

yesterday, akmal did to the indian attack what he has done just as brilliantly a couple of times in the past, most memorably, at mohali and karachi. and akmal is not the only pakistani keeper the indians have had trouble against.

during the 80s, the feisty salim yousuf often reserved some of his better performances for india. then, there was the inaugural match of the short-lived, poorly conceived asian test championships in which pakistan were reduced to 6/26 on the first morning only for moin khan to kick-start one of the greatest rearguard actions in the history of cricket and give his team the much-needed fillip to come back and win the test match.

that match, though, is most remembered for a young shoaib akhtar's double strike to castle rahul dravid and sachin tendulkar of consecutive deliveries - oh, how the mighty have fallen - and the disgraceful reaction of the eden crowd to a disputed 'sachin run-out' in the second innings that resulted in the match being completed in front of empty stands. will we see more of the same if kumble's indians contrive to somehow lose this one? in the current climate of commendable bhai-chara and neighbourly love we seriously doubt it.

anyway, the whole point of this trip down memory lane is to...well, point out that such are the problems indian teams have historically had against keepers from across the border. in the light of which, it seems only right that akmal delivered a long overdue big one. after all, it's rare for an indo-pak series to be completed without a notable contribution from a pakistani wicket-keeper.

truth be told, we're glad the simple, unassuming akmal, finally, decided to make his presence felt in a series that was rapidly turning into a terribly one-sided one. thankfully, for the jittery indians, he didn't take it too far. (had india not managed to get rid of akmal just before close of play, they would have had a bit too much to think about.)

the way things stand, it looks likely that india will go on to dismiss the pakistanis for less than 416 and enforce the follow on. (will they? we think yes.) and if they do, the question most indians will be confronted with is what if the two Ys and the ever-consistent misbah fire together? and what if akmal is still not done? will india be left chasing a tricky target on a crumbling fifth day wicket? thanks to akmal, misbah and india, the second test looks poised for a thrilling finish.

the eden crowd, meanwhile, holds on to its projectiles, and hearts, with bated breath.

Ball in India's court

2007-12-01T15:43:00.000-08:00

only one team can save this test match. and while this might sound odder than a chinaman to the untrained ear, that team is not pakistan.

after being fortunate enough to have won the toss and batted first on a wicket flatter than a permanently pressed bespoke shirt-front, the home team have left the visitors with the mammoth task of scoring over 400 runs to save the follow-on and the series.

and yet - if only for the purposes of re-iterating how clever we are - it'll be down to india take 20 wickets and save us from enduring a high-scoring snorefest. but for that, they'll have to get past some historically troublesome ifs and Ys.

in the two Ys, younis and yousuf, pakistan have masterful players of spin bowling who, rather surprisingly, missed out at kotla and will be determined to partake of the run-feast the indians have gorged themselves on.

apart from his monumental 267 in bangalore to set up a series levelling win during pakistan tour of india in 2005, younis also made 147 at Kolkata and a pair of centuries during India's trip to Pakistan in 2006. as is clear from his record, his will be a wicket kumble and company will fervently hope they can snaffle soon tomorrow.

yousuf hit nine centuries in 2006, which is a world record for most centuries in a calendar year and also equalled bradman's record of scoring six centuries in successive Tests – although it took him only five matches to do it. he was also among pakistan's top run-getters in the just concluded odis.

it would be foolish on india's part to expect these two big match, big knock badshahs to be as generous as the profligate pakistani bowling attack has been so far.

in addition to the two Ys, regular readers of our views will already know how high an opinion we have of salman butt, who's still there. sadly, for us, our other favoured young guns from pakistan, shoaib malik and shahid afridi are not. good on india.

all this to say, it'll be captain kumble who'll have to do muost of the running in order to find ways to put it across some formidable obstacles that still stand in the way of a series clinching win for team india.

kumble has often said that he finds it much easier to take wickets once the batsmen have put runs on the board. well, we'll see how easy. his batsmen have played their part. it's now up-to kumble, and the other bowlers, to take this match by the...umm, balls and turn it. for if they don't, the two Ys are quite capable of batting their way to what might be a face-saving, series-turning draw.

if pakistan do manage to bat their way out of the hole their half-baked attack has dug them into, they'll go into the next test on a huge high. and we all know what younis khan did the last time these two teams met in bangalore.

Jaffa calls the shots at Eden

2007-11-30T00:31:00.000-08:00

from 22/175, Bazaar Road, Mumbai to taking centrestage at arguably the greatest cricket ground in the world, it has been a long and bumpy ride for the elegant wasim jaffer. we hope, after this trip to the eden gardens, he'll stay on track and finally give india the great opening batsman she has so long craved for. the determination and perseverance that wasim jaffer has shown in weathering the ups and downs of his career so far make us think we might have found one of the two men we'll so desperately need to compete against australia in australia. now if only we can somehow locate the old virendar sehwag, life would be truly beautiful. that said, wasim jaffer in full flow does make for some very comely viewing.

on a day when half the pakistani team was indisposed with some ailment or the other and the rest that were on the field going through their shambolic motions rather than trying to play a competitive game of test cricket, the indian batsmen must have felt like kids given a free reign in a candy-laden store. that a radar-less sohail tanvir was forced to bowl a spell of leg spin and the peerless shoaib akhtar managed only 9 overs...yes, 9 overs of impotent fast-medium on this the first day of a most important test match for pakistan is a sad reflection of the mismatch this series is fast turning out into and, if we may be forward enough to add, the sad state of this lawson-coached, leaderless pakistani team. rahul and sachin must be kicking themselves for not going on and doing a jaffer, while dinesh kartik will hope his generosity for taking on the much avoided make-shift opener's job is rewarded with an equal, if not greater, dose of selectorial largesse while picking the team for the tour of australia.

while a contest more one-sided than admiral horatio nelson is not quite our cup of see, tpr is certainly over-the-top of cloud 9 to note that wasim jaffer is finally turning into the batsman he has long threatened to be - in, of course, the characteristically non-threatening manner he goes about conducting all his business. after the pretty little 50 he stroked his way to in the last test at kotla, this was, indeed, the main course we were hungrily waiting to dig into. and...it's not over. it is our heartfelt hope that he will not do a sourav on us tomorrow morning by getting himself out without making a big, big one. it's high time the blue-in-the-face billion got itself another triple centurion in tests. no? yes. (sigh, where oh where is that sehwag?)

tpr hopes that these pakistanis quickly find their mojo and come to the party - fact is, this indian team desperately needs a fosters-like wake-up call prior to the series of much sterner tests that await them down under. unfortunately, as is often the case with pakistan, in the absence of a strong leader they look quite incapable of playing a sound, consistent game. then again, as the mother of all cliches with respect to pakistani cricket go, they're most dangerous when down...but not quite out. and on that optimistic note, tpr - in a flash of utterly un-tpr-like initiative - is off to find the lost sehwag. lagey raho, jaffer!

The Guess Who - An Auld Game

2007-11-28T19:15:00.000-08:00

the first time we watched this player do his thing, we wondered how someone who looked so vulnerable against the far-far-from-fearsome likes of venkatesh prasad managed to get away with so much. over time we realised it had much to with the fact that this man had a bit of atherton in him. and a bit of marvan too. and sunny gavaskar. and border - in fact, a lot of border...and a kiwi, too. oddly enough, for someone who was so much like so many other very fine players, he had few of the talents that his copiously endowed half-brother possessed. thankfully, with the kind of skills he had, or not, he was smart enough never to try and emulate his lavishly gifted half-sibling. quite obviously, he was never the kind of player crowds would travel great distances to watch. and yet, he was always the player in his side that opposition teams would try their hardest to see the back of. for a while, it looked like there were one or two surefire ways to send him on his way back to the pavillion. until, as was characteristic of his nature, he went back to the drawing board and devised a way to plug these seemingly glaring technical loopholes. perhaps it was the hairstyle or the fact that he didn't smile all that much, but he always seemed a little older than he was. calm and level-headed, he brought a healthy degree of common sense to the art of batting, which possibly explains why off the field and in the dressing room the dafter side of his personality surfaced. he enjoyed particular success on the sub-continent - where other players have floundered against the turning ball. might that be the reason he chose to come back? answer in comments.

BCCI commissions 'Guru Gary'

2007-11-27T21:41:00.000-08:00

it never fails to amuse us how many times we're presented with the opportunity to say 'we told you so'. and so, repeatedly amused, we'll say this, again, we told you so.

it has come to our considered notice that certain people of considerable power in the bcci are asking certain other people who are not 'in' the bcci to come up with a suitable response to that hurtful piece of emotional drivel guru 'the not-so-great' greg okayed in the equally not-so-great documentary titled 'guru greg'.

these certain people in the bcci, who are believed to be the very secretive and invisible readers of tpr, swiftly cottoned in on how popular the term 'guru gary' is likely to become and so to make the most of the advertising revenues that will accrue from this imminent spike in the google-wordiness of 'guru gary', they have decided to produce a reality show in which the transparent process of choosing guru gary will be aired like dirty laundry in 13 equal episodes.

the participants of the already documented show were of course not aware that they were being recorded. which makes us more certain than the likelihood of another selectorial snafu that the bcci has a surefire hit on her hands. (no, no. it is only fair that tpr gets no partake of it.)

out in the blue corner - in what we suspect is a shrewd move to welcome the man whose job he nearly killed to have - guru greg is believed to have initiated hectic parleys with the assistance of the dashing, ambitious and scheming lalit modi to corner all the media noise and once-again reiterate that what he would like most is to be left alone.

First look: Guru Gary

2007-11-27T20:20:00.001-08:00

first of all, let's drop the 'kirsten' from gary. for gary is way different from his far more talented brother kirsten. and that's what makes tpr certain as another sachin 90 that he's the right man for the job. what do you mean, what job? there is only one job worth thinking about. it's the job of the coach of the indian team. ladies and gentlemen, please welcome guru gary. the new, improved avataar of john wright? the doosra though doesn't think so. if tpr were into betting, it'd put all its ill-gotten gains as a moonlighting cricket writer on the distinct possibility that tpr will be proven wrong in investing his hopes on the unknown as a parsvnath share, guru gary. who? perfect. but, the doosra still seems to think chappell was the right man for the job. and the indian team wrong in rejecting him. maybe the doosra is right. tpr is known to has been proven spectacularly wrong in its predictions. case in point: misbah-ul-haq for the next inzy? hah! salman butt, shooting up like a reliance share? iffy...like the stock market. we'll have to wait and see. misbah is flaky. salman is inconsistent. yes. and yes. but...they've got personality. what personality? we'll have to wait and see. its that personality they've got that makes us bet on them. and reluctantly laud the indian selectors for getting it right. that's three times in a row they've done the right thing. let's make them stock-pickers. note to self: put together that stock market meets cricket game. spend less time writing this unknown blag. right. but why does tpr like so much guru gary? the perfect time, we think, to move to the next paragraph.

tpr can't help but fall back on the obvious and draw our non-existent audience's attention to the last good coach the india stars had. he was a left handed opening bat. he was dour as scrub. doughtier than the oldest piece of nan. dogged as a porn star and boringer than growing grass, he was reliable as a chappati. his was a talent as run-of-the-mill as daily bread - which, he made the most of. no, the answer we're coming to is not guru gary. but it could be. we've never met coach wright but from what we've seen of him as a player and a coach, he was the perfect personality for that india side. ditto with respect to coach gary who we gut-feelingly believe in our...umm, gut, is the right personality to coach this india.

big names need coaches with complimentary and complementary personalities. often these coaches have to deal with being things that don't do much more than ply players to various places. greg chappell, mbe would never have been able to coach shane warne. the indian team is full of shane warnes. and that's why the india stars will not be coached by a richards or a sunil gavaskar or a kapil dev - who in any case is banned because he's now part of the icl, bless his simple soul - or even the most beloved greg chappell. they need someone like gary or gary or gary. its pretty obvious, we think guru gary is perfect. most of all, simply put, in a nutshell, last but not the least and - insert parting cliche here - because he doesn't think he's a guru. the doosra, though...never mind.

Sourav survives Kotla test

2007-11-25T23:26:00.001-08:00

so we started writing this match report a few hours ago until we asked ourselves what's the big idea writing something that dilip, over at the doosra, will do a predictably evocative job of. and so he has.

dilip has said almost everything that needs to be said about india's gabbaesque record at the kotla. almost. thankfully, he has left us with one or two things more that are worth writing home about, one of which - the sourav show - we will proceed to dwell upon in some detail.

after a typically loose dismissal through the gate in the first innings, a typically chancy contribution with the ball and the bat in the second effort ensured that the 'long in the tooth but far from short on determination' bengal tiger lived to fight another day...and two more test matches. good on him.

luckily for captain kumble and sourav, the latter managed to somehow successfully negotiate shoaib's thunderbolts during a most crucial time of the match last evening. where a more adventurous captain might have considered sending in dhoni at the fall of dravid's wicket, kumble, as is his wont, did what was expected of him.

against a more inventive and better endowed team than malik's pakistan, kumble will have to demonstrate more initiative in order to deal better with challenges involving the likes of brett lee, mitchell johnson and company. it'll be interesting to see how much extra over the ordinary our new captain is likely to be. or not. we think not.

the next test is going to be held at the eden gardens. we wonder what sourav, laxman and dravid, all of whom have fond memories of this one of the world's more dramatic cricketing venues, will serve up for us.

the last time the indian's played pakistan here, it took shoaib akhtar two balls to change the complexion of the game. two magic balls. balls even more magical than the one he bowled to breach the wall's defenses in the kotla test. a feast awaits us.

The Guess Who - An Auld Game

2007-11-23T19:43:00.000-08:00

this player reminds me of the marvelous marvan atapattu. like marvan, once this player gets his eye in, he's hard to dislodge. like marvan, it's very rare that this player will not make a start count. and, finally, a bit more like marvan, if you scan this player's stats, you'll find that he either makes very little or quite a lot. so much so, even their career batting averages are more or less the same. and yet, he has a long, long way to go before he can be considered as sound and as determined as marvan. he has time. because, unlike marvan - who has called it a day - this young man promises his fans many more days of elegant cricket. apart from marvan, who else might this player remind us of. well, he's a bit like vinod kambli. that said, when it comes to his methods against fast bowling, he's a cut above vinod kambli. he's also a bit like sachin tendulkar. then again, when it comes to his methods against fast bowling, he's a few notches below the little master. speaking of which, if he tightens up his defense and works on his concentration (sooner rather than later), this man has it in him to be the next rahul dravid. interestingly enough, he shares at least two things in common with mr. navjot singh siddhuism - neither of which has anything to do with the genial sikh's penchant for mouthing off. it's pettily unfair to say this, but it might be useful to point out that he nearly lost us the first test match of this series against pakistan at the ferozshah kotla. fortunately when he got his chance to make amends, he didn't disappoint. were it not for him, india would find it impossible to win - if not any, certainly many test matches - abroad. shoaib akhtar, malcolm marshall, dennis lilee, kapil dev, curtly ambrose, brett lee and mashrafe mortaza are not just the names of some very fine and fearsome cricketers, they also happen to be our final set of clues. any clue who this smoggy word-picture of ours is, quite clearly, alluding to? answer in comments.

First look: Misbah-ul-Haq

2007-11-22T03:28:00.000-08:00

for starters, the one batsman misbah most reminds me of is the titan with whom he shares a part of his name and whose not-so-inconsiderable boots he was brought back into the pakistani side to fill - inzaman-ul-haq. (even more so, after he found yet another inventive method to get himself out in this his first test against arch-rivals, india.)

thanks to misbah contriving to come up with ever original ways to terminate the nerveless sojourns his knocks have a happy habit of turning into, my top 3 inzy 'dismissal bloopers' are quickly being replaced by 'mindless misbahs'. but devising farcical ways of ending until then chanceless plays isn't the only reason this late bloomer from mianwali, punjab, reminds me of the mountain from multan.

unlike other mortal players who need a few 10 deliveries or two to find their feet, misbah, right from the ball go, looks - quite in the manner of the the gentle giant - utterly unflappable. also, much like inzy, misbah's backfoot play is far more assured than the tentative pokes he is reduced to dabbling in when drawn forward. (note to clueless opposition bowlers.)

if inzy fell on his wicket to get himself dismissed off a panesar delivery, misbah 'jumped' to his doom. if inzy blocked a throw from the fielder because he, blithely, thought the ball was no longer in play (when it very much was), misbah lovingly guided a ball that was decidedly rather wide and outside the off-stump all the way back to his leg stump. and if inzy was the man pakistan depended on to counter quality fast bowling in the past, misbah is the man they will turn to in the future.

with the mercurial nature of the two immensely talented Ys in the team hanging like a sword over the young skipper shoaib malik's head, tpr firmly believes that misbah is the rock pakistan's opponents will have to work hardest to find a way around and a thorn the size of kashmir that india will repeatedly have to contend with. assuming of course, misbah doesn't make it his business to do the job himself with more 'inzys'...no, make that 'misbahs'.

First look: Captain Kumble

2007-11-22T02:44:00.000-08:00

today was a day when the pakistani batsman chose to do newly made captain kumble a big favour by deciding to entertain everyone around by getting out for what seemed like the fun of it. maybe they were just too bored of playing on this still, cold, smoggy delhi winter day and thought it fit to instead play games with silliness.

india's newly appointed skipper, anil 'very old' kumble will be praying for more such days in his time at the helm of affairs. with a team that very much resembles dad's army, he'll need them all when he comes up against the intimidating force of australia.

perfect as it might have looked, tpr is sadder than a soft-boiled cynic to report that anil kumble's innings as captain promises to be just like his one and only test century. gritty, jumpy, exciting, boring, pedestrian, inspired, earnest, a lot less than brilliant. and contradictary.

tpr is graciously inclined to agree with the pundits' view that a player's captaincy generally tends to mirror the manner in which he plys his primary skill - batting or bowling. (which might explain why jonty 'fielder' rhodes never became captain.) though, in mike brearely's case, his primary skill must have been captaincy. for a long time, sourav's primary skill, too, seemed to be captaining 'his' team.

speaking on about captain kumble, tpr would now like to play turncoat and dispense to all of india's oppenents a piece of information fresher than yesterday's news. kumble's captaincy will be like his skills - 99% perspiration, 1% inspiration. opponents will lose the plot if they attempt to over-rate and over-analyse him. furthermore, in the true traditions of unasked for advice, we will profess to kumble and his think tank this one piece of gyan. be advised that the aussies will come at you a lot harder. much, much harder than this pakistani team that is turning out to be even softer than their captain's smile. nothing this lot of most-oftenly uninspired pakistanis can throw at you will prepare you for what the mighty australians have in their mentally-disintegrating store for you.

as my link buddy, dililp 'the doosra' premchandran wrote, the only way to beat...no, compete with the aussies is to first play out of your own skin and play as a team. to which we'd like to add, definitely more so, when you are led by a captain who's not the best man for the job. only the perfect man under the circumstances.

in passing, tpr has this to say about the last few captaincies. if sourav's was all to human to sometimes superhuman and dravid's captaincy was a case of a superhuman proving to be all too human. kumble's turn at the job, tpr predicts, will be an under-appreciated one.

The Guess Who - An Auld Game

2007-11-21T23:53:00.000-08:00

george orwell. apple. big brother. artist. braggart. baby. he's a ball of emotions. he can't play short-pitched bowling. but boy, can he play on the off-side. don't want to take tpr's word for it. just ask dravid. god. (that's another clue.) so how far we from deciphering tpr'a latest doosra? is the doosra a clue? no. oh, all right, let's keep going. he played pool with greg chappell. he played with, against and all around flintoff. off the record, dravid might have played against him. he first made a comeback with rahul dravid. he then made his debut with rahul dravid. he is the opposite of dravid. as far as tpr is concerned, he is the first man to give rebirth to another person. trust us. we know what we are saying. we were there. and we saw him give rebirth to a kicking, screaming, spinning harbhajan singh. tpr knows the australians like his presence about as much as being in the vicinity of a cocky kiwi. no, even less. that's right, that how much! let's make this even clearer. as clear as an aussie sledge. the australians don't effing like him. all the more reason, tpr effing loves him. and...oh, the ball has gone high up in the air. there's a fielder who's getting under it...oh, never mind, it's him. it's gonna be dropped. actually, tpr hates him only a little less than tpr loves him - which is a lot of love and hate put together. enjoy him while he's still around. which won't be for very long. sniff. answer in comments.

Reverse Swing

2007-11-20T10:03:00.000-08:00

when the match-fixing scandal broke in the late 90s, we at tpr felt more shattered by it than an indian muslim's confidence in the state of gujarat. so much so, that tpr vowed not to cover, watch, live and love any more cricket. ever.

for the next few years, tpr went into exile and moved to the cold, remote confines of montreal, canada where cricket is a sport regularly confused with croquet. there, alone, hurt and in need of healing, we stole disingenuously disinterested peeks at the state of the game for signs of a new beginning.

time and again, tpr would try not-so-hard not to follow matches. only to find it as impossible to resist the temptations of the game as a reluctant celibate might the offer of a night of free sex with mandira 'noodle straps' bedi.

furthermore, tpr would constantly remind itself with the metronomic regularity of Glenn McGrath and a ball-counting umpire put together that cricket, once sullied by match-fixing, was now being run solely according to the whims and fancies of global corporations. (truth be told, the jury is still out on that one.)

but what made tpr well and truly swing back into the fold of the devoted, obsessive and unequivocal cricket fan, was the young indian brigade's unburdened performance at the t20 world cup. after that, tpr was back to being as totally fida on cricket as a stalker might be over his victim.

sometimes, it only takes a breath of fresh air to blow away the cobwebs of the past and generate much reverse swing.

The Guess Who - An Auld Game

2007-11-20T07:48:00.000-08:00

the senior players can't get along with him. his methods have been described by a few as harebrained and unfathomable. it seems like his ego gets in the way. he has seen the departure of one very accomplished captain. he might oversee the departure of another accomplished-player captain. he is a former player who played with an almost overbearing sense of self-belief, which he tends to bring to his current job, unfortunately. people from within and without his cricketing circles have been calling for his head. remarkably enough, he has held his job for a lot longer than his record seems to justify it. he is not greg chappell. TRP, though, thinks he makes a very worthy case for being called the poor man's greg chappell. like many of his countrymen, he has a chip the size of australia on his shoulder with respect to the relative location and significance of the land he comes from. (no, he is not from pakistan, sri lanka or bangladesh.) what's common between him and greg chappell is john wright. another thing that might be common between him and greg chappell is that this man is very likely to show the finger to people he doesn't care much for. he was welcomed with much fanfare and great expectations. he has overstayed his welcome. Who is he? answer in comments.

Marvelous Marvan

2007-11-20T02:28:00.000-08:00

one of the hardest things to do is say goodbye when you're still at the top of your game. it's even harder when you feel you have something left to prove and know you can. tpr of course had no such problems when saying goodbye to copywriting. marvan atapattu has done just that. tpr would like to take a little time out to salute him for it.

in a cricket world where old warhorses find it increasingly hard to listen to their creaking bodies, marvan has chosen an almost perfect time to put in his papers. at 37, the 'all or nothing' batsman has lambasted his detractors, proved them wrong with his performance and, better still, not given them another chance to get even by disciplining him. now that's what we call superb timing. (something marvan didn't have in spades as a player.)

marvan, the player was an athertonesque-performer who personified determination, determination and...more determination. initially, and still, remembered for his incredible, zero-filled debut series, marvan went on to make more, and bigger, double hundreds than rahul dravid and sachin tendulkar. which just goes to prove that it's best not to lay too much emphasis on first impressions.

what are the odds of an indian player with a similarly horrifying run of ducks, going on to have a career as long and illustrious as marvan's? most likely, zero.

in passing, tpr would like to draw the readers' attention to a certain sourav ganguly, a player infinitely more talented than marvan and blessed with a superb sense of timing, which seems to have sadly deserted him.

happily for sourav, in recent times, he seems to have buttressed his always silken skills with a healthy dose of marvanesque grit. we sincerely hope the great man will give us an opportunity to do a 'marvan' for him. after all, the last thing we'd want to say is something heart-breaking like 'enough sourav'. enough TPR.

Salman Butt - Power Pak'd Performer

2007-11-20T02:27:00.000-08:00

now that the odi series between pakistan and india is over, it's time for us to quickly say what we don't get an opportunity to say as often as we'd like to. we told you so.

we told you salman butt was going to perform well in the just finished odi series against india. the minute we saw him compile that little gem of a fifty in the first odi, despatching pathan, sreesanth and gang with minimum fuss through cover and other areas in the V, we knew this was going to be a special series for the handsome young man with shots that look almost as good as him.

shoaib malik would be well advised to cultivate this man and lean on him. for salman butt has a smart head on those broad shoulders of his. and it shows. most of all, it showed in his decision to give up the vice-captaincy to concentrate on his batting. it takes a courageous, ruthless, mature and ambitious young man to deny himself the quite significant honour of being second-in-command at such a young age - he's only 23.

consider very carefully the adjectives we are pinning on him. for these are the very same qualities that will stand him in good stead when he is one day offered the poisoned chalice of leading pakistan, as he most certainly will be.

the thing is, we somehow don't believe the gentle, simple and immensely talented shoaib malik is cut out for the job he has currently been entrusted with. if you were to ask us who we think will be leading pakistan in a year or two from now, we'd be inclined to plump for the shrewd butt.

and when (not if) that happens, we'll, once again, eagerly say what we don't get an opportunity to say as often as we'd like to. we told you so.

Welcome back, Greg

2007-11-18T21:45:00.000-08:00

so greg chappell is in the news again. and again. (the last being a long interview with prem of rediff on the methods he guru and ian fraser are putting into practice at the rajasthan cricket academy.)

of late, we admit, we've been seriously wondering why the great man has come back to the country that treated him quite shabbily the first time he was here? and, more importantly, why do the powers-that-be that run cricket at various levels in india want him back? very simple answer: because greg chappell, mbe, is good. very, very good.

there, now that we've said it, let's look at some of the things he's not so good at. he's not very good at suffering fools gladly. he's not very good at dealing with people who question his authority. he's not very good at managing fragile, and king-sized, egos. but, he is a bloody good mind; probably the best in the world of cricket today.

greg's approach to cricketing problems focusses on the mind-games that constitute a large part of the doing process. time and again, we're told how almost everything in life, give or take a few thoughtless ventures, is about overcoming the challenges, the demons and the fears in the mind. this is where greg chappell excels. and that's why TPR is humblingly pleased to hear that greg is playing a big role in the grooming of talent at the junior levels.

we think greg is in the right place. young minds are easier to train. young minds carry less baggage. young minds don't walk around like they know it all. young minds are malleable. and young minds are open to new ideas. and greg's strength is great ideas. his weakness, though, is that he treats everyone under his charge like a student. sometimes, oftentimes, most times that approach doesn't work with people who already have a few big achievements under their belt.

we're quite certain rajasthan cricket, in particular, and indian cricket, in general, will benefit immensely from this visionary move by the much-maligned, and equally admired, lalit modi to bring on board chappell's expertise for the betterment of cricket in india and sincerely hope guru greg, mbe, will have a good second innings in this emotionally racial country.

all said and done, chappell brings to the table many qualities that the parochial, small-minded, clannish, backward-looking ex-player coaches we've seen plenty of, never did, or ever will.

make no mistake, tpr is certain as ever that indian cricket needs more foreign coaches. we just have to make sure we put them, and their different personalities, in the right jobs. (something we learnt the hard way, after being fired from a host of jobs we were temperamentally and egotistically wrong for.)

Young Pakistan defeats Young India

2007-11-18T09:29:00.000-08:00

TPR liked what it saw from team pakistan today. they had fire. they had presence. they were aggressive. they fielded a lot better. they batted with purpose. they competed. and, most of all, they won.

thank allah that pakistan triumphed today. this win from them, and wake up call for india, will make for a better test series. this win will, we hope, remind shoaib how much more he can bring to this pakistan side.

we think it helped shoaib and pakistan that shoaib and younus khan were not in the side. quite obviously, it allowed him to assert himself. the replacement wicket-keeper, too, sarfraz was a brilliant addition. ignoring the error he made when he missed a relatively simple opportunity to stump the dangerous yuvi, he was an electric presence behind the stumps. goodbye kamran. hello sarfraz. at least, for now. (after all, you can never tell with the rising stars in pakistan cricket. they have an infuriating habit of falling by the wayside.)

even though, india lost this match, dhoni and team did a lot of things right today. they got a good look at praveen kumar in pressure situations. we think he's passed his debut test with above average marks and could make for a sturdy complement to pathan. something, we're sure, the think tank will agree with us on.

no question about it. rohit sharma needs to be spanked on his baby-cheeked bottom for giving it away and depriving us all of the pleasures of watching him glide his way to a maiden, match-winning hundred. 'something you must never hold against us if he doesn't make it' tells us this boy is cut out for big things.

in other observations, tpr is pleased to...umm, report that the joyous celebrations by team india at the end of a match they lost convincingly was a...well, joy to behold. it said good things about the state of this indian team.

finally, and below all, we're most pleased for the charmingly guile-less shoaib malik, young captain of pakistan. we think this team, like india's, performs better in its younger avataar.

Sehwag saves Sourav. And others.

2007-11-18T09:01:00.000-08:00

by failing in this last odi against pakistan, sehwag has given sourav a last chance to extend his odi career. as far as we was concerned, a fifty from sehwag would have closed the door on dada. but it was not to be.

as it stands, in the eyes of the selectors, sourav will probably live to fight another day. or let's put it this way, the pressure is a wee bit lesser on sourav now to perform in the test matches. and he didn't have to do much for it.

a not quite cooked sehwag cooked his own goose by not taking the godsend opportunities he was given by the selectors to rediscover his form in the longer version of the odi game. as a result, sourav, in all probability will make the 11 for the first test match, at the expense of sehwag. and laxman.

after the just concluding odi series against pakistan, dravid will be heaving a sigh of relief. sourav's brow will be one furrowed less. and laxman's place in the test side will look a little more certain. all because sehwag hasn't yet found his mojo.

rahul, laxman, sourav, yuvraj and sehwag: 5 warriors. all competing fiercely for 3 places in the test side. TPR will be keeping a close eye on the proceedings. and our crystal balls. and then there's rohit sharma. who deserves an exclusive look at from TPR. the prospect of which, we are truly looking forward.

we really, really, really like what we see of the young lad. in an altogether nice way, of course. we think there's a bit of damien martyn, rahul dravid and ricky martin about him. and we mean that too in an altogether nice way, of course. if you know what we mean. and if you don't, please do watch this space. for TPR will be back. shortly.

PS: mind you, TPR thinks dada should do the honourable thing and retire from odmatches. and we sincerely hope he'll prove us wrong.

Has Sourav played his last ODI?

2007-11-18T04:07:00.001-08:00

while dada is still a good enough bat to open the innings with sachin in odis, is 'good' good enough to have him in the squad? so, as much as i hate to and hard as i find it to, it's time to impartially consider the case of dada.

a quick resource check reveals that we have gambhir and sehwag who - on current form - are more effective momentum players at the top of the order than dada.

furthermore, both gambhir and even the not-so-nimble sehwag are better fielders than the creaky prince of calcutta.

next, is dada good enough to be in this team as an opening batsman who can bowl a few good overs? not anymore. unfortunately. lately, dada doesn't look like he has the strength to bowl more than 3 to 4 overs of his dibbly-dobblies on the trot.

during his heyday, dada was an audacious, destructive batsman at the top of the order and a clever swing bowler who could be depended upon to snaffle a wicket or two with his surprisingly effective medium pace. nowadays, he is but a shadow of that brassy self, and hardly much of a dada.

if dada is 'dropped' for today's match against pakistan and either sehwag or gambhir - whoever is likely to be asked to open with sachin - fire, what are the old warhorse's chances of making it to the odi team again? not very good, i'm afraid.

dada had a quiet to middling odi series against the aussies in india. and has followed that up with a rather poor series against this underdone pakistani attack that is sorely missing the firepower of old. and asif.

today's match against pakistan might well be dada's last chance to re-assert himself as a one-day player. the question is, will dada be given this opportunity to show us how good he used to be?

if this indian team really wants to win every match it plays, dada is the one who will most likely sit out of the final odi in jaipur. assuming that is what happens, on what grounds can he be picked for the next set of odis, which will be in australia?

dada was always a better one-day player than a test batsman. often, he was lucky to make it to the test eleven at the expense of laxman. now, there is laxman and a rejuvenated yuvraj to contend with for a place in the middle order in tests.

in my book, both laxman and yuvraj make a stronger case for inclusion in the test team going down under. and that leaves dada with only one more match to persuade the selectors that he's still good enough to play odis.

dravid was not given the lifeline he so badly needed to find his form in what has turned out to be an easy series against pakistan for the indian batsmen. will dada? we'll have to wait and see.

i would argue that if dada does not play in today's match against pakistan in jaipur, he hasn't done enough to book himself a ticket to australia. and that, if nothing else, should be a very good reason to tune into today's odi, because it might well be his last - assuming they play him.

and if they don't, there's always the attraction of seating yourself in front of the telly to watch sachin blast his way to yet another 90-something score.

First look: Praveen Kumar

2007-11-18T04:06:00.000-08:00

In this edition of TPR, A quick look at Praveen Kumar.

he seems like a skiddy bowler with a slightly round-arm action. could be a dangerous proposition because he can swing the ball both ways. has something about him that reminds me of agarkar. thankfully, he doesn't look as fragile as agarkar. in fact, praveen kumar looks like a strong, broad-shouldered lad who has spent long hours bowling long spells under the hot sun. not fair, lovely and delicate like you-know-who.

might praveen kumar be an all-rounder for india who can take some of the load and the pressure of irfan pathan? we'll have to wait and see. suffice it to say, if praveen kumar, the bowler, can bowl a 2/45 in 9 overs and make a good 30 to 50 runs every three or four innings he plays, he'll prove to be an invaluable addition to this side.

it' very, very early days, but so far what we have seen of praveen kumar, we like. he seems to have a good temperament, a big heart and some useful skills. most of all, we like the fact that he was able to keep salman butt quiet; something not pathan, not zak, not rp or for that matter sreesanth has been able to do in the series so far.

full marks for dhoni and the indian think tank for throwing the ball to him and making him open the bowling. and full marks to praveen kumar for not doing a steve harmison and turning out to be a nervous wreck.

Mahela tosses away the series

2007-11-18T03:57:00.000-08:00

graham gooch made azhar pay for inserting england in on a wicket which held no devils - the indians compounded the blunder by letting him off when he was on less than 30. as some of you might recall, Gooch went on to make 333 in the first innings of that test match and followed that up with a hundred in the second innings. it goes without saying england won.

does it also go without saying that sri lanka will lose the first test at brisbane on account of jayawardene's 'gallipolian' blunder? (sangakkara, jayawardene's closest rival for the captaincy, couldn't have chosen a better test to injure himself out of.)

lovers might recall that nasser hussain, too, had kicked off his ill-fated ashes campaign down under with something similarly god-forsaken. and it is in the light of this and historical data that us well-wishers of this indian team urge kumble not to entertain any thoughts of putting australia in in the first test match of the upcoming series down under. in fact, in most test matches against australia, it's best to bat first; because the way to beat australia is to think like them. and 9 times out of 10, australia will bat first when they win the toss.

nasser didn't. he paid for it with the full series. jayawerdene hasn't. will murali pay for it with fewer wickets? on evidence of his tight spells in the first innings, the australian batsman are far from comfortable against him and things might have been very different for him, had the lankans shown the confidence to bat first. we hope, for the sake of drama, that murali will get his chance to bowl at them with a big total in the bank and take a clutch of wickets during the rest of the series.

in other news, i think it's a good move on the 'wise men's' part to appoint kumble as captain for the tests against pakistan and australia. i believe this will bring out the best from this always-improving cricketer.

logically speaking, it makes perfect sense that dhoni - probably our most valuable odi cricketer - is at the helm of the side in the shorter versions of the game and kumble - whose contributions are most critical in tests - the captain for senior-most avataar of the great game. it also helps that kumble has retired from odis to concentrate on test matches. seeing the way the aussies are steamrolling the lankans, two heads at the top are most certainly going to be a lot more calmer and less-pressured than one.

in the meantime, let's hope we can iron out the numerous chinks in our armour over the course of the engagements against our very friendly and very convivial neighbours. oddly enough, I don't feel so bad that we lost to pakistan. is it just me or is pakistan no longer our enemy number 1 on the cricket field? and if so, who is?

ask me, and i'll tell you i'm happy we don't hate the pakistanis as much as we used to. what used to be played out on the cricket field in the days gone by wasn't cricket. it was cricket adulterated. it was, to echo the title of the very absorbing book by mike marqusee, 'war minus the shooting'.

a less vitriolic india v/s pakistan bodes well for the future of the sub-continent. in fact, we fervently hope india v/s australia doesn't become what india v/s pakistan used to be.

Happy Divali from Pakistan

2007-11-18T03:51:00.000-08:00

Shahid Afridi provided the pyrotechnics as Pakistan crashed India's Divali celebrations.

Blame the batsman for muffing up a great platform provided by Sachin and Gambhir to put up a score of about 350. And no matter what the atrocious commentators said, as long as Pakistan had wickets in hand and 'Boom Boom Afridi' was still to come, any asking rate was going to be gettable.

Despite some shrewd bowling changes from Dhoni and the suicidal dismissals of Malik, Misbah and Younus Khan, which nearly won India the match, it was too little too late.

One might be tempted to blame the bowlers for not being able to defend what seems like an insurmountable total. But on a true, hard wicket like this one, anything less than 325 was going to be very hard to hold on to.

Should Dhoni have fielded on winning the toss. No. He did the right thing by batting and backing his strength. It made sense to bat after going into the match with an extra resource because you must always play to your strength.

India lost the match when Sehwag and Yuvi went in quick succession; the departure of Dhoni for very little was the final nail in the coffin. And that's the bottomline.